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Getting back with an ex

(9 Posts)
Purplelemons Thu 26-Nov-15 20:14:02

I have name changed for this as I have friends who are on this site and I don't want them to recognise my name based on the particulars of my situation.
I hope this won't be long and I will try not to drip feed.
My ex and I broke up 6 months ago, during the time we have been apart there has been a lot of toing and froing between us. Sometimes I initiate, sometimes he does. However, it always ends with me, I tell him I can't do this any longer because I don't feel he wants me. (God I feel like a teenager just thinking that let alone writing it)
Often I will send him a long text telling him everything I'm feeling and then I will tell him I'm done. Then a week or so later the cycle begins again and honestly, I'm exhausted!
This time round, I text him and told him he has to let me get over him (he has initiated the last few times) he text back a day later to say he was so sorry, he was busy and he didn't mean to make me feel ignored (he was online plenty on whatsapp during this time - teenage behaviour part 2 from myself). After texting for a week or so we met up, something we haven't done for months, I have no idea if it was a date or not but I think he thought it was. He text later to say he enjoyed with a x on the end.
All was going well, we haven't met up since (1 week) and as I want this to go slow this time I'm happy with this. However. Tonight I text to ask if he wanted to go for a drive (I had sent a few texts before this) he has been very good lately being attentive etc. This time I got a reply to say "I will be busy doing my hobby and will not be moving from the couch for the foreseeable" as I have history of feeling like and being the "crazy" ex I don't feel I can text him to ask him what he means by that. More because I would feel crazy than because he wouldn't reply (which I doubt he would)
What would you wise mumsnetters suggest? First am I reading too much into his text? Second do I walk away- again? If I walk away how do I stay strong? Thirdly, if I stay how would you advise telling him this is the last time I can do this (it really is) I keep waiting for the opportunity but it never seems to arise.

Golightlymydear Thu 26-Nov-15 21:15:35

Okay, this doesn't sound healthy. If someone really wants to be with you, they make it pretty clear. He sounds lukewarm, and you're letting this drive you crazy instead of walking away and staying gone. I'd get some counselling, and I don't agree that you need an opportunity to end things if you really want to, you just do it and delete his number from your phone.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 26-Nov-15 21:27:25

How long were you together and why did you break up? Were you living together?

In any event, it appears that this man doesn't want you in the way you want him but he's happy to have you on tap.

As the saying goes, an ex is an ex for a reason and I suggest you revisit the reason(s) why you split with him and give some thought to why you don't seem able to let him go.

Scarftown Thu 26-Nov-15 21:38:08

It sounds like neither of you know what you want and until you have both decided nothing should happen.

Why did you break up? If those reasons are still applicable you need to move on.

I'm one to talk tho I haven't done that last bit yet. Easier to give advice than take it.

spanisharmada Thu 26-Nov-15 21:43:46

What IS his hobby that involves not moving from the couch for the forseeable??
But yea, I've been there, honestly cut your losses now. Just block him. What you've just described is basically a shit relationship that will fuck with your head for as long as you let it.

strawberryandaflake Thu 26-Nov-15 21:47:08

Go on you tube and look for Relationship Inner Game. (Clay and Mika)

Helped me no end. Xx

Purplelemons Fri 27-Nov-15 17:30:46

If I say his hobby it'll give me away, it is a bad relationship and I need to be strong enough to walk away.
Everything that has been said is completely true! We were together for a year, not living together but, we were discussing that, everything was going really well and then it was over. This is why I find it so hard to walk away.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Fri 27-Nov-15 18:00:27

He doesnt want you when he has you, he wants you when you dont want him. I had one like this years ago and it was awful.

He never showed he cared when we were together, but as soon as I finished with him he was at the door with flowers and apologies. Every time, and there were more than a couple.

The last time I finished it I told him to not bother bringing flowers, just a box to put his stuff in. I gave him a 1 hour window and if he didnt turn up then I was binning everything, and I did.

Killairno Fri 27-Nov-15 18:02:21

As you say, it's a bad relationship and you need to walk away. It is not easy.

The thing about on-again-off-again is that the on-again is so lovely and exciting and will keep happening if you don't cut contact. The off-again is horrible and is more significant.

Hope you can find the strength.

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