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Red flags ?

3 replies

Woukdyoustill · 26/11/2015 20:09

If you were dating a man for nearly a year, who barely took you out, who hired you to work for him, has days off from work but doesn't organise anything to do with you in them! Has no interest in meeting your child or letting you meet his, texts his ex wife, has suddenly started spending more time as a family with his ex and the children,bends over backwards to make his exes life easier ie offering her money to pay credit cards etc,helping to buy a car, has yet to take you to meet the family ... Would this ring alarm bells in your head? I'm trying to make my closest friend see that she's more committed to this relationship than what he is! Whenever I mention that it doesn't sit right she's nothing wrong with it but she seems to only do what he wants. I know it's not my place but why are men like this?

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Seeyounearertime · 26/11/2015 20:18

It wouldn't be ringing bells in my head because it wouldn't have gotten this far.

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SongBird16 · 26/11/2015 20:22

It sounds like he misses his ex, and the family life they once shared, but keeps your friend hooked too in order to hedge his bets.

But then relationships are complicated, and nobody else really knows what's going on, which is why I'd suggest that you stay out of it unless she asks for your opinion.

He may just be a very committed father, which isn't a bad thing - his kids might have requested more family days out, the credit card bill might have been predominantly for kids' clothes or whatever, he might feel that his ex needs a reliable car for taxiing to/from after school activities. We don't know, and neither do you.

It's odd that she hasn't met his kids or his wider family after a year, but again you just don't know the circumstances. Maybe none of them are interested in meeting her, despite his best efforts.

For me it would just be too likely to end in heartache, and I'd be running a mile, but since when has anyone ever successfully rationalised someone out of an emotional decision. If she can't see it, give up.

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Woukdyoustill · 26/11/2015 22:36

I know that if she can't see it I can't make her, it's just frustrating that from where I am standing it looks like she could do a lot better. I do agree we don't know what his relationship is with his ex but it all seems a bit ott - I guess I shall just be supportive as I can be when and if she needs.