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Unacceptable behaviour ! Should I ask hubby to seek counselling

(25 Posts)
gg1234 Sat 21-Nov-15 01:37:41

Today was a weird day .I asked my hubby to babysit while I was busy cooking for dinner .My hubby didn't paid any attention and my little toddler happened to grab a sore throat relieving tab from the drawers and kept it int his mouth .I caught him immediately but we thought he might have taken one ( Which after a real check we found beneath the drawers.Thankfully ).Having suspected my toddler has taken one tab my hubby just went mad.He started behaving in the most awkward way .Abusing me all through and called me "whore".He started abusing my son of what a very bad mother he has .I was shocked to hear it .Later we called the medical services and they said everything is fine .
I am not able to sleep til now .At one moment I thought I just leave and go back to my parents of what sort of person I have married .
My hubby later cried and said he did all this because he loved my son and
was very scared .
What should I do ? There has been many incidences when he has lost it .

Send him to counselling

Baconyum Sat 21-Nov-15 01:41:47

Counselling doesn't cure abusive bad tempered twats, just teaches them how to get away with it. Yes he was scared - as were you. Kids get into scrapes its part of life. Dd once found my pill and swallowed a few! Scary but ultimately no harm done.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 21-Nov-15 01:45:33

You cannot send someone to counselling. It only works if they want to fix their problem. They have to choose to go themselves.

Yes, go back to your parents because of what sort of person you have married. That is correct thinking.

HelenaDove Sat 21-Nov-15 02:07:07

He wasnt babysitting .....he was parenting.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 21-Nov-15 02:09:15

So many things wrong
Watching your own child isn't babysitting
He called you a whore?
You can't send someone to counselling, and no amount of counselling is going to change him into a nice person, this is who he is.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 21-Nov-15 04:14:08

There has been many incidences when he has lost it

What example of fatherhood do you think your h is setting for your ds? Do you want him to grow into the type of man who calls his wife a whore and verbally abuses her in front of their children?

For your own peace of mind keep all medicines under lock and key, or place them along with other harmful household substances on a high shelf out of reach of inquisitive little fingers.

AnyFucker Sat 21-Nov-15 04:37:18

He doesn't sound fit to be a father or a husband

Bacontastic Sat 21-Nov-15 05:18:19

"Babysitting"...his own kid....whilst you were cooking his dinner?

Not ok.

Calling you a whore?

Not ok.

Calling you a whore because he couldn't be arsed "babysitting" his kid whilst you are cooking his dinner and an accident nearly happened?

Beyond not ok .

This is not a counselling issue; he has zero respect for you or sense of responsibility towards you as a husband or to your child as a father.

Sorry, but I think your gut instinct to get out, at least for head space for a while, is a very good one indeed.

flowers

NerrSnerr Sat 21-Nov-15 05:45:05

There is so much wrong here. A dad doesn't babysit his own child, he blamed you for your son getting the tablet and he called you a whore?

I don't think counselling would help. I wouldn't live with a man like this, he sounds awful.

Fairylea Sat 21-Nov-15 06:30:24

Agree with the others, so many things wrong ....! - "babysitting", calling you names, not correctly supervising your child etc etc. All wrong. Counselling can't cure that. There's no cure for being a twat.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sat 21-Nov-15 06:52:30

He wasnt babysitting .....he was parenting.

My thoughts too. Except that he wasn't parenting either.

And surely it's "our toddler" not "my toddler". Or has he opted out completely!

Wolfie2 Sat 21-Nov-15 06:58:49

How often does this happen?

Do you have friends/relatives close by?

Joysmum Sat 21-Nov-15 07:04:17

I think you're the one who needs counselling. You've got some very strange attitudes and are way too accepting of crap that most of the rest of us would never allow.

Fathers don't babysit their kids and don't need to be asked. I think you've got a skewed view of men.

coffeetasteslikeshit Sat 21-Nov-15 07:09:38

He called you a whore??! The mother of his child? In front of your child? Not acceptable.

Eminado Sat 21-Nov-15 07:10:21

Thank goodness younhave the option of returning to your parents.

I think you should use this option -as soon as possible.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 21-Nov-15 08:03:32

gg1234

Why are you and he together at all?. What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Why is your own relationship bar so low?.

0dfod Sat 21-Nov-15 08:39:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwoTwoOneBravo Sat 21-Nov-15 08:48:34

1. You can't 'babysit' your own child. It's called parenting.

2. We all get frightened when we think our child might be in danger. We don't all let loose with a stream of vile abuse. Only abusive twats do that.

3. A whore is a disgusting, misogynistic thing to call you, especially in front of your child.

4. It's very unlikely therapy will help him in the way you want. My abusive ex went to therapy. Whereupon he decided all our relationship problems were my fault for being so stupid and useless.

5. If your parents have offered you a safe place to stay for a bit, the go. Or better yet, ask your 'D'H to leave the family home.

jelliebelly Sat 21-Nov-15 08:57:57

Counselling isn't the answer here - you cannot change a fundamentally bad person. You can however choose whether you stay and put up with it not.

TooSassy Sat 21-Nov-15 09:34:35

OP.

Wow.

Stay or go, up to you. This is absolutely awful.
How dare he speak to you in this manner. The fact that your child is there to witness it is simply awful.

My STBXH and I were having problems. One time he flipped, in front of the DC's and called me a 'fucking bitch'. Believe it or not that one time sealed our fate. There was absolutely no way I was going to spend a minute longer with someone who thought it was ok to speak to me that way, especially in front of our children.

Because here's the thing. A very big line got crossed. And once that's been done once without any consequence, it'll happen again. NO ONE should be able to call you such demeaning names without consequences.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 21-Nov-15 09:45:47

He's shit. He's a shit husband and a shit "father". HE should have been parenting (NOT "babysitting", FFS!) the child you had together

Yes, go back to your parents and stay there.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 10:40:53

You can't send someone to counselling: they have to choose to go themselves.

His behaviour is unacceptable indeed. You have to show him, and your son, that it is unacceptable by walking out.

Staying just teaches him that he can do it again.

pocketsaviour Sat 21-Nov-15 11:41:27

OP, is your husband from a very "traditional" culture/family where women do all the childcare and housework? Does he have the expectation that he can just sit on his arse and you will wait on him hand and foot?

Honestly I would think seriously about going to your parents, at least for a while, to think about how he has treated you. It's all very well him saying sorry afterwards but sorry doesn't mend the hurt he caused you and your DS.

ShebaShimmyShake Sat 21-Nov-15 12:48:06

I was wondering that, pocketsaviour...it doesn't sound as though English is the OP's first language and while abusive men appear in every faith and culture, they do tend to express their abusiveness in a way that reflects their particular society. And this one sounds as if it might come from a culture where it may be especially difficult for abused women to leave.

With that said, OP must find a way to leave (back to parents is fine if it's safe there and they will support her). There's no way an incident like this came out of the blue, he'll have been abusing her and possibly their child in many other ways too (although she may not recognise it as abuse if it's something she's always been told is normal and her duty to accept).

ShebaShimmyShake Sat 21-Nov-15 12:49:30

Oh and OP, don't let the waterworks (crying) sway you. It's a very classic tactic by abusers to make you feel sorry for them, blame yourself and buy into their narrative that they are just damaged victims of circumstance who are such good people really, if only the world around them would just accommodate them so they never had to work on themselves....

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