First date?

[Doughnutsandflapjacks33]

What's your ideal first date?

I hate dating but it seems to be something that needs to be done to find 'the one', I have been on a few dates and get really nervous before hand, it seems to get worse each time, usually I just go for a drink or a nice walk (in the summer ), most the guys I have been out with have not been true gentlemen, I have never been out for a meal or a romantic picnic .

So, I have been chatting to someone and they have asked me out on a date this weekend, they want to take me for a meal and then a walk along the beach ( if it's not raining ), I am ok with the walk but I struggle with eating in front of people that I don't know very well, I would rather have a drink and then a walk. I am now extra nervous. This dating stuff is really scary , chances are I will chicken out.

Should I just say 'I will go for a drink but not food' or will he think I am really weird for not wanting to eat? He said he wants it to be a proper date , if that's the case then I have never been on a proper date.

[ThePonyFormerlyKnownAsTony]

I think a meal is quite good on a date as it gives you something to talk about if there's nothing else or if nerves take over.

That said, you should be as comfortable as possible so if you'd rather just go for a drink, tell him that.

A drink and a walk is just as much a date as a meal.

Good luck

[hawleybits]

Ah, Doughnuts I agree, eating with a perfect stranger is weird and adds another layer of stress. Can't you make it lighthearted and suggest just a drink and maybe a meal, if and when you have a second date?

On a different note, I wouldn't want anyone investing in me like that on a first date - imagine he's not to your liking?

[Phoenixx]

Dull as it sounds I would only ever do something short and sweet the first time meeting someone, coffee or maybe lunch. In the early days when I was new to internet dating I had too many cringe first dates with people who I really wasn't suited to, in spite of a nice rapport messaging. Keep it simple and save the romance for later when you know you actually like each other.

[Doughnutsandflapjacks33]

I agree Phoenixx, I think I am going try and persuade him to just go for a drink in a quiet pub and maybe a bowl of chips if he's hungry.

I know I won't be able to eat as I will be too nervous.

[Seeyounearertime]

Coffee and cake in Gregg's. What can I say? I'm a cheap date, iced bun and im anyone's.

[Mrskeats]

I think that having a meal on a first date is risky because you are potentially there for a few hours and it's awkward if you don't particularly hit it off. I also agree it can be a bit weird eating in front of a stranger
The drink is a better idea imo, you can always eat later if it goes well

[Yseulte]

That's quite a common fear in people who have social anxiety.

I would say it's worth trying to conquer to make your life easier. Though not necessarily this weekend.

[HustleRussell]

You don't eat in front of people you don't know? Is it for fear of dropping it down your front? Or getting food in your teeth? I am intrigued.

[Doughnutsandflapjacks33]

I think it stems from my family taking the piss out of me as a child for being a messy eater it made me very paranoid about people watching me eat. I just feel physical sick when put in a situation where I have people (strangers ) watching me eat, the thought of someone sat opposite me whilst I eat makes me really anxious.

[Yseulte]

Eating fears and social anxiety disorder

[Zippingupmyboots]

No way would I go for a meal with someone I have never met before.

Sometimes you know within two seconds that you are not attracted to someone. Once I knew by driving past. Imagine then having to spend a few hours talking politely and waiting for a meal. No thanks. Quick coffee and I'm off.

You're not weird just sensible.

And don't bother thinking of something romantic. I couldn't think of anything worse with most people.

[justatoe1]

I wouldn't arrange a meal for first date..all kinds of potential for awkwardness eg date insists on paying but you know after 5 mins there will be no second date.
If you set expectations before date: meet for a drink & maybe go for a walk afterwards then you can easily exit after drink or go for a walk/meal later 'if' you get on.
Enjoy it anyway.

[Yseulte]

So you're more afraid of eating a meal with him than having sex with him?

You're going to have to face it eventually but it doesn't have to be this weekend.

Would it help to make him a meal at your house or at his so you're not technically going out?

Just wear what you feel comfortable in.

[Yseulte]

You've been eating meals your whole life with other people, so it's not true you've never done it before. All that's different is the setting.

You could wear jeans as you feel comfortable in them, and just buy a little top to go with them. I would dress too differently from normal as that will throw you.

Would it help if you practiced going out for a meal with a female friend first?

[Yseulte]

That is meant to say: I wouldn't dress too differently.

[Justaboy]

SocialLeopard humm.. I wonder how he feels perhaps the same LOL!

Sounds like you've got a bad attack of the butterflies. Hope it does work out for you and you have found a decent bloke which from what you say sounds the case.

Done sex but not gone out for a meal?. Simple just look in a restaurant and see what everyone else is doing usually stuffing the old boat race and chatting a bit.

Still seems to me you do have a bit in common all those outdoor walks and then retuning the that nice hot fire and well, whatever! As to the clothes my 17 Y/O could assist if you want as shes never got anything to wear apart from the spare room full of her stuff can't bloody move. Try a decent clothes shop and ask the assistants surely they must have some idea of what a woman going out on a date should wear?.


As to the original poster I'd do whatever you decide together to do whatever that might be, walks drinks eating whatever.

Surely people must have some idea if they like a person or not after a few mails or phone calls and even if you don't "click" then you might become friends and a friendship isn't such a bad thing is it?.

[Justaboy]

SocialLeopard Weird?, conkers!, your no more weird than what I am or 99.999 % of the other posters here are!

As you say you've had a rough time in the past and not done the things you should have or might have and there are few more people like that around but now that will change and if you want it to then simply;

!! Make it so !!


It's your life, enjoy it and your man!