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Think I need to leave

9 replies

Howard00 · 15/11/2015 22:46

There is nothing wrong with my partner- he is a great Dad to our 8 month DD. Unfortunately he doesn't have sex with me anymore, it's been like this for a year. I now instigate the sex every single time but this is not often as I'm so terrified of another rejection that more often than not I don't even try. If he says he's too tired for sex, and sorry for the TMI, I even offer blow jobs so he doesn't even have to do anything but he still turns this down.

We have discussed it so much now that I've given up even talking about it. I go to bed every night now questioning everything, my confidence is non existent. I love him, we used to have a great sex life, but I don't want a life with sex once every 8 weeks, if that!

I'm only 27.

OP posts:

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Justremember · 15/11/2015 23:02

Don't leave your partner. You said you love him and he's a great dad and that there's nothing wrong with him. I'm really sorry I can't offer a solution to your sex life, I don't have any helpful advice, but when I read your post I just wanted to say don't leave your partner. It sound like you'd be throwing
away something good. I hope someone on MN will be able to help

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kittybiscuits · 15/11/2015 23:05

It's not something good if he has zero interest in sex with you and has no regard for how that is for you.

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Justremember · 15/11/2015 23:14

Maybe he does worry about it too

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mum2mum99 · 15/11/2015 23:14

Howard00 are you happy to give it time? Men can experience postnatal depression.
Lack of sleep does not improve sex life either.
Maybe you want to have a go at fixing it. Can you try sex therapy?
It might a bit early to decide just yet although if I was to know that sex will not be on the agenda ever again, I am not sure I would be able to live without.

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Friendlystories · 15/11/2015 23:55

So what does he say when you discuss it op? I think you probably have to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want sex before you can try to solve it.

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Anomaly · 16/11/2015 00:16

This is not a problem you can solve alone. Your partner has to want to solve it too. At the moment it appears its not a problem for him. He's happy to carry on in a relationship that he must know leaves you unfulfilled sexually.

You have choices. You need to make it clear to him that you're not willing to carry on in a sexless marriage that its doing your self esteem serious damage. He has to engage with you at getting your sex life back. But if he refuses to do anything your only other option is to end the marriage.

You can give it time but I'd be careful of being too generous; leaving while your daughter is 8 months old will be easier than when she's 2 or 3 and crying because Daddy has gone.

He may be a great dad but he can be a great dad even when not in a relationship with you. At the moment you're marriage is not what you signed up for and your self esteem will be taking a hit every time he rejects you.

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girlguide123 · 16/11/2015 00:18

before you consider leaving, would he go to the doctor or maybe to relate? i would be a shame to leave if this could be fixed.

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Serioussteve · 16/11/2015 00:32

Did you have any issues during pregnancy? It's not unusual for men to feel guilt and associated emotions if so.

Definitely need to chat, or involve counselling, if you otherwise have a good relationship.

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Howard00 · 16/11/2015 09:34

When I have tried to discuss it with him I get the usual excuses- I'm tired, I'm really stressed at work, I don't feel very well....if I try and discuss it at a serious level he gets angry with me because he thinks it's a joke that I can be bothered about that when so many other stressful things are happening (we just bought a house). He is not the kind of man who will go to counselling iykwim....I think he'd me walk out rather than confront the issue, he's very proud.