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Asked to move in by a guy who has a girlfriend??

(27 Posts)
DaisyChain08 Sun 08-Nov-15 09:03:22

I have been having sessions with a personal trainer at the gym. He has been flirty, saying I have a nice bum and a lovely smile and always commenting on my perfume, and just being generally cheeky. I spied on his fb profile which said single, and judging by his behaviour I assumed he was single.
He then says to me that he is looking for a roommate and am I interested?? He makes lots of flirty comments about what would I do if he walked on me in the shower and that he is sure it would be a great view ect, and of course I am cheeky back because I thought it was ok to be!

I go to view the house and the landlord tells me that personal trainer has a girlfriend! He's been with her for a few months, met her at the gym and seems very happy. He definitely did not act like someone in a relationship.

I message him saying I feel our conversation about the shower ect was inappropriate. He says it was 'just banter' I say it is disrespectful to his girlfriend and could hurt her. He says sorry if he offended me and that it was silly to say those things even as a joke.

What do I do now? I need a place to live as its quite difficult where I live now, but he doesnt seem to be very trustworthy, and I did find him attractive and could feel myself getting a crush on him. I dont want to be jealous of him and his girlfriend when she comes over.

Am I over reacting or is he a sleaze? Was it just banter? Is it silly to think I could move in as friends? Or should I just avoid him completely now?

DaisyChain08 Sun 08-Nov-15 09:05:40

I don't understand why his girlfriend can't move in. I did ask why she can't but he ignored that part of the message.
Ok I never asked if he was single so he has never down right lied, but I wouldnt be happy if I was his gf!

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow Sun 08-Nov-15 09:07:15

He seems a bit of a sleaze and I never thought I'd sound so old-fashioned but since when does talking about what the other looks like naked pass for romantic flirting?!

Waltermittythesequel Sun 08-Nov-15 09:14:02

I think you need to find somewhere else to live and raise your standards.

You were both sleazy.

DaisyChain08 Sun 08-Nov-15 09:16:26

Why was I sleazy? I thought he was single!

ConfusedNoMore Sun 08-Nov-15 09:19:27

Wow. Why would you even consider being housemates with this guy? Even without the gf, if you fancy each other, that's a really bad idea.

NickiFury Sun 08-Nov-15 09:24:39

You weren't sleazy. I wouldn't move in there though, recipe for disaster.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 08-Nov-15 09:28:26

It's just my opinion; someone who flirts like the way you and he did is sleazy in my book.

We all have different standards though, don't we?

It's a shame but you'd be in a nightmare situation should you even consider going ahead with this. Especially if you start developing feelings for him.

AnotherEmma Sun 08-Nov-15 09:29:25

No way, do not move in with this idiot. Recipe for disaster. Even if he didn't have a girlfriend, moving in with someone you're interesting in dating is a pretty terrible idea. Date them first and see how it goes before moving in together!

Waltermittythesequel Sun 08-Nov-15 09:29:56

Sorry, let me clarify:

I don't think you were sleazy but the fact that you thought his behaviour was appropriate until you found out he had a girlfriend just says to me that you and I would have very different levels of acceptability.

Neither is right or wrong. Just different.

Fuckitfay Sun 08-Nov-15 09:30:32

I wouldn't have moved in even if he didn't have a girlfriend! Recipe for disaster to be so flirty with a roommate - could have all gone wrong and then you'd have been stuck in the same house as him.

AnyFucker Sun 08-Nov-15 09:30:37

Car crash waiting to happen

Fuckitfay Sun 08-Nov-15 09:30:47

*house mate not room mate!

Joysmum Sun 08-Nov-15 09:31:42

Why would you move in with someone displaying those behaviours, girlfriend or not confused

custardcreamdreams Sun 08-Nov-15 09:34:41

Sorry but he does sound sleazy and not very professional. I would be finding a new pt too.

bittapitta Sun 08-Nov-15 09:37:36

Incredibly unprofessional for him to flirt/sleaze like this. If the gym he works at overheard he could get hauled up for sexual harassment. Just because he's there doesn't mean he's the one for you. Move on.

Fatrascals Sun 08-Nov-15 09:39:53

Do you want someone perving on you when you're in the shower? Walking around? In bed?

Sounds like an absolutely hideous idea all in all

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer Sun 08-Nov-15 09:42:18

You thought he was single, so I'm going to absolve you of the "sleazy" fgrin.

I don't think it's incorrect for a personal trainer to comment on body parts and bring a bit flirty, per se, but the "walking into you in the shower" type comments are not just sleazy but predatory.

Even without a girlfriend in the wings, this guy is sleazy. He doesn't respect your boundaries, ignores your perfectly reasonable question, doesn't respect YOU as person. Really, even if just a friends and housemate situation, would you want somebody who disrespects you like that?

And I do think that when people have the incorrect status on their Facebook, its the [generally] same as lying.

SlaggyIsland Sun 08-Nov-15 09:46:53

Girlfriend or not, I wouldn't find this conversation remotely acceptable from someone that I had a professional relationship with, and would find it pretty distasteful even in an informal setting like a bar.
Clearly I am old and humourless.

molyholy Sun 08-Nov-15 09:51:34

My first thought was how unprofessional!! If I was paying for a personal trainer and he told me I had a nice bum and wanted to see me in the shower naked, I would be speaking to his manager!!! Yuck. You seemed to like it though. He sounds gross and is a disrespectful arsehole. I would be hiring another trainer.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sun 08-Nov-15 10:02:35

I can't imagine why you would consider moving in with someone who you interact with in this way anyway, and now he has a girlfriend you should be running a mile.

WickedWax Sun 08-Nov-15 10:05:48

Unprofessional, sleazy and predatory.

I'd feel the need to sleep with the bedroom door locked and one eye open if I lived with this creep.

Find yourself another place to live, there are plenty of then so it's not like living with him is your only option.

ReadFox Sun 08-Nov-15 10:10:09

I agree, car crash waiting to happen.

Perhaps you haven't been sleazy yourself but to even consider moving in with a man who has made comments about wanting to see you coming out of the shower, that'd be lunacy right?!

What would happen would be either you'd keep him at arms length and he'd get all huffy thinking he'd done you a favour finding you a room when you need one, he'd have thought that you owed him a bunk up or two.... How that would work when he has a gf I don't know. The gf would find out and then you'd be portrayed as a bunny boiler who fancied him so much and was so obsessed with him that you actually went so far as to PRETEND YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY AND MOVED IN WITH HIM!. HE was the innocent party. His gf would believe him. He might admit to sleeping with you but he'd say you got in to his bed naked, or some other story to make him look slightly less bad.

YOu know it will pan out like this so do yourself a favour.

NickiFury Sun 08-Nov-15 10:14:35

Readfox that's uncanny. It's exactly how it would pan out. I'm impressed!

CuntryLiving Sun 08-Nov-15 10:21:07

He's a total sleaze. You need some respect to live with someone, him seeing you as a piece of arse does not bode well for house sharing.

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