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Anyone in a relationship with someone with 'unfinished business' with their ex?

(9 Posts)
fantazero0 Thu 05-Nov-15 13:29:51

Ive been in a relationship with the most amazing guy for nearly 6 months. After being single for years and doing a spot of OLD, I finally feel that it has the potential to be something serious - Ive never experienced a kind of click I have had with him.

HOWEVER, him and his ex are still intertwined - house, assets....everything (although don't live together). They pretty much despise each other too and there's pretty much a disagreement between them every day.

Just wondering if anyone else is in similar and how you 'block' it out?

Blossomflowers Thu 05-Nov-15 13:34:03

Sorry he is not ready to date or commit. How long have they been separated. Were you the reason for the spilt>

fantazero0 Thu 05-Nov-15 13:37:41

Blossom, a few months and I wasn't the reason they split. We met on a night out.

Blossomflowers Thu 05-Nov-15 13:46:51

Oh dear, that is a very short amount of time. How long were they married, kids involved?

fantazero0 Thu 05-Nov-15 13:51:47

5 years blossom. although the last year they just ticked along. Yes, two, a 6 and 4 year old. Shes actually been fine in terms of contact about their girls - the disagreements are all about money.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 05-Nov-15 13:56:26

I am and we are 5+ years on.
Finances and assets still not sorted on his side.
She is still a nasty piece of work, uses the kids against him, verbally abuses him, etc...

But then it took me 5 years to sort out my divorce and finances and assets.
In fact it's only just been sorted out for about a month.

It can take time to get things sorted if there are multiple properties and kids involved.

Just take it slow and don't get too invested too quickly.

I just keep well out of it. We have our life together and what happens outside of that is not really my issue. I can live quite happily and independently so I just listen when he needs a good rant and give advice when asked. Otherwise I just leave it with him to sort out.
He'll get there eventually. Until then, I love him, he loves me and we have a nice life together.

Blossomflowers Thu 05-Nov-15 14:21:35

I would be very very reluctant to get too involved with someone who had only been single a few months. It takes time to get your head sorted. So the 5 year old is not his then.

TheMarxistMinx Thu 05-Nov-15 14:51:57

"It takes time to sort your head sorted out"

Several ways of looking at this though, none more correct than the others!

Men seldom work on themselves or take the same time to reflect as women.

Men seem to be keen to get out and date straight away. Some because they can't stand to be alone, others because they want to have some fun, others because they really do prefer to be in a relationship.

Some men though spend months and years playing the field and doing online dating either because they discover the illusion of choice or because they are "sorting their head out" what they are more likely doing is having a steady stream of casual sex and dates because they are taking a break from relationships to....yep...sort their head out!

My advice, if you like him and he feels the same ignore the "fashionable rhetoric"

Listen when needs by, support where you can and try to stay out of it as much as possible.

isseywithcats Thu 05-Nov-15 20:38:30

my partner and his exw split up over ten years ago still not divorced and she lives in the house they bought together mortgage free, he has asked her to sell it so we can get a house together as we live rented at the moment, no reply from her, so i think hes going to have to get a solicitor involved as what their house is worth is high enough for both of them to buy cash, but i dont push it as this was way before i met him so his business not mine

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