Am currently going through a divorce, h is EA and I decided to leave him at the beginning of this year and moved out with my dds (at the time aged 3 yrs and 18 mo). I immediately got involved with another man, fell for him and spent all my weekends when the dc were with their dad with this man, he gave me emotional support but was also very selfish and pretty messy himself. He then left and moved away (live overseas) and I found that very difficult but carried on long distance until the other day when he basically cut me off because I was too demanding/needy. I think I probably am too demanding and needy, insecure and jealous and generally emotionally weak.
Life is hard and I am proud of myself, I am working full time, single handedly financially supporting my children and living abroad in a hard place to live. However, I have spent pretty much the past 20 years (am now 34) going from relationship to relationship, never being alone and I'm pretty sure I really lack self respect/self esteem. I don't sleep around, I just get full on involved with men and feel like I've fallen for them and let things go on and drag out until they are awful and destructive.
Now I am actually really on my own. I have to learn to cope with this and to learn to love myself and my life by myself. My girls are everything and I know I don't need distractions like ridiculous relationships but I am struggling to get my head in the right place. I am hurting from the rejection of the last guy and I'm afraid he'll come back into my life and I won't have the strength to tell him to fuck off. And I am starting to look at other men as potential partners even though I know I need to be single. I am seeing a therapist and I plan to explore this with her but I am just seeking any advice from any stronger and wiser women out there. I can pretty much see where I'm going wrong and that I have been seeking validation from men for so long and it needs to STOP but I don't know how to put this into practice. I don't have much time to myself and I have some friends but not very good ones and to be honest I don't really feel I can trust anyone I know here. I have a good family but I live far away and don't want to be a constant drain on them.
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I need to learn to be single
12 replies
gettingabitdesperatereally · 03/11/2015 17:32
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