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I think I need to leave

11 replies

KellyLd · 02/11/2015 16:31

Hi. My and my partner have been together 5 years. Have a 1 year old together.

He's very lazy. Doesn't clean up much after himself, sleeps until noon, doesn't do much with our daughter, generally expects me to do everything.

I'm SAHM currently. Ideally would have liked to have returned to work but partner took a job which meant finding childcare would be difficult.

He's generally annoying. Tries to annoy and upset people.

He has taken out credit on a camera, phone, lense & tablet. All of which is still being paid off. He took out a £2000 loan behind my back in August. Had £1000 spent in a secret overdraft. I was told the loan was to get us out of debt.
We spoke and I assumed we'd got to a point where financially we had no secrets. But this morning I discovered a credit card. Apparently we're having bad money problems. And when I confronted him he told me "he literally gives zero fucks about your opinion".
If there were serious money issues I'd have cut back the food shopping bills, been more cautious and tried harder in looking for a job.

I get the feeling that my job to him is to sit down, shut up, do as I'm told and not complain.

Straight after this argument he came to asking for sexual favours.

He's also horribly sexist and told me the other week "he could speak to me how he likes because he's the one with the penis".

I'm so resigned to this and I have nobody to go to.

OP posts:

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RiceCrispieTreats · 02/11/2015 16:45

Your partner, you say? So you're not married. That's good news, since the debts he is running up will be in his name - are they? Please say they are.

Because "we" are not the ones having money problems: he is.

Your partner is feckless and will lead you to financial ruin if you stay tied to him. He won't change - he has told you himself he doesn't want to, and he broke whatever agreement you two had in place after your last talk. It's time to walk away.

I suggest you consult an online benefits calculator to see what you would be entitled to as a single mum. Speak to CAB as well. Find out what your financial position will be once you leave him, and then start taking steps to set up a new life for yourself and DC on that basis.

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Jan45 · 02/11/2015 16:48

I have no idea why you are even remotely interested in this sad excuse for a human being, I mean really, is this a joke, carry on if you are happy to be used in this way but I'd rather be on my own and in control.

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RandomMess · 02/11/2015 16:49

You do not have to be resigned to this, if you are in the UK you can leave and it will get better

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pocketsaviour · 02/11/2015 17:13

Excellent news that you're not married as it means you're not jointly liable for his debts.

What's your living situation - renting? Who's name is on the lease? Do you have family support nearby, would it be a possibility to move in with a family member for a while to get back on your feet?

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KellyLd · 02/11/2015 17:23

All debts are in his name. Although I think we're behind on council tax and that's a joint bill.

Our house is rented in both of our names. No arrears there I don't think.

I do have family but they are all 250 miles away. I could possibly stay with them.

I created this thread I guess so I could see it all written out. I'm in a stupid pattern of ignoring it and thinking it'll improve once he grows the fuck up.

I'm sad our daughter will never have a brilliant dad like what I did growing up.

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RandomMess · 02/11/2015 17:39

I think you need to decide where you wish long term, in your current local area or move to where your family live.

He is being financially and emotionally abusive which means the council will have to help house you, alternately you could go via womens aid who would also help you sort accommodation out etc.

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Muckogy · 02/11/2015 17:57

yes you should leave.
and do so before your poor child suffers in all of this.

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pocketsaviour · 02/11/2015 19:21

It doesn't sound like he's ever going to grow up OP, sorry.

Maybe in time he might learn to be a dad to his DD but based on his behaviour to date, it's unlikely. Well, that's his loss. If you surround your DD with great male figures like your own dad, she will not suffer for not having an involved dad. Especially this tosser!

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Seeyounearertime · 02/11/2015 19:28

Go now. Get up to your family and get your name off the Council Tax ASAP.
I'd never normally suggest doing it sneakily but I fear if you don't then he'll just end up saddling you with bad credit or huge debts. So in this situation I would strongly suggest a vanishing act and level a note saying you give zero fucks as you're the one with the vagina

What a shite bag of a supposed "Man"

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SoleBizzzz · 02/11/2015 20:37

Leave him and get yor name off the Council Tax. Tell him you no longer care less about him.