I have been in a lot of relationships since the age of 12.
I was always this insecure girl, afraid of my bf cheating on me, always paranoid about horrible things that could happen in a relationship. I was never good at handling fights with my ex boyfriends.
Whenever we had fights, whenever I felt sad and defeated, I always wanted to push them away by breaking up and saying hurtful things that I didn't mean to.
Until the age of 18, I got cheated on badly and became even more insecure. I started to date a lot of random guys and then hated myself for that afterwards.
Recently me and my ex were having a lot of problems.
Last week we were still ok, but I had a major mental breakdown and asked him to block me everywhere. I thought this relationship was beyond repair but deep down I always had hopes.
After almost two years of being together, and 6 months of being on and off, I pushed him away. But I came back after 5 days of NC. He was crushed, upset. I thought he didn't love me anymore and wanted to ignore me. Turns out his email didnt get through so I thought he wanted to avoid me. I said a lot of hurtful things to him as a result.
Three days ago he was still calling me love name through email. I didn't get that.
On Saturday, I was so upset and heartbroken, thought the man I loved for almost two years just left me without saying a word. I said a lot of hurtful things to him through texts. I ripped all his cards and took pictures and sent them to him. I was so sad I even cut myself just to ease the pain. And later on we had a sad phone call to end things.
Today I apologised again to him but he said it is over. He said he was too sad to deal with this or be in a relationship with me.
After 23 years of being alive, I feel like an immature brat. I didn't know how to handle relationships properly. I was selfish.
I calmed down a lot more now after he said it's over through texts. I feel that I deserve feeling hurt. If I were him I probably would've dumped me months ago. I just hate myself for being the biggest bitch in the world.
What should I do? Should I give him space and wait for him to talk to me again?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm 23 why have I never grown up!! (Should I give my ex space?)
10 replies
allofyou · 26/10/2015 00:09
OP posts:
VocationalGoat ·
26/10/2015 07:35
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.