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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I being paranoid?

23 replies

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 09:21

Basically starts seeing a new guy but I've noticed he is on whatsapp sometimes 2am 3am and he isn't messaging me so who is he talking to,other women?
Like he is online now but no message to me.

I've been hurt before and I know it's affecting my judgement.
Could he be talking to friends?
I don't want to ask him as he will think I'm mental.
I'm just paranoid I think.

OP posts:

Report

Vixxfacee · 24/10/2015 09:25

Do you think every time he's on whatsapp he must speak to you?

He could be speaking to other women but if you have just met anyway it's likely he still is.

He could be speaking to friends of course why wouldn't he be? If you can see he's online what are you doing at 2 am?

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 09:27

I was just messaging my friend,we were both still up and couldn't sleep and sometimes I just click on without realising I'm clicking.

OP posts:

Vixxfacee · 24/10/2015 09:28

So he could be doing the same!

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 09:29

I know my friend says I'm being paranoid.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 24/10/2015 09:34

Of course he could be talking to 'friends' at 3am....you are.

He could also be talking with other women.

You've just started seeing him. What would you think if he asked you the same?

Joysmum · 24/10/2015 09:34

Of course he could be and I completely understand your fears if you've been hurt before.

I had fears when I first started with my now DH and it took many years to learn to trust again.

At first I kept quiet about those fears, then I confided in him about them and it felt reassuring to do so.

I guess the key is how to confide when you are ready to. I certainly wouldn't do so unless you are as sure as you can be that your fears are groundless. I'd also be cateful on the wording so you don't come across as trying to be controlling, but merely open and honest about your past and how it's affecting your present.

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 09:38

I just hope he isn't making a fool of me.
He goes through phases of texting me constantly to dribs and drabs.
And he is a reputation as loving women

OP posts:

Itisbetternow · 24/10/2015 10:48

What's app is just a messaging service. He could be watching a late film, texting his mates, dad, mum, brother, etc etc. you can't monitor his usage of what's app !! Technology gone mad. When I was younger we had to wait for the twice weekly phone call to land line!! I think in all honestly that was better than this constant checking up of people. Keep calm.

Trills · 24/10/2015 10:54

If you've only recently started seeing him then it's completely possible that he's also seeing other people.

He may even be going on dates with them, not just talking to them.

That's not "making a fool of you", that's dating.

pocketsaviour · 24/10/2015 11:50

And he is a reputation as loving women

Does this actually mean a reputation as a cheat?

Fratelli · 24/10/2015 12:07

Have you had the exclusive chat? Sometimes whatsapp says I'm online when I'm not. And he could be talking to friends like you are.

I think if you're this paranoid about someone you've just started seeing then you shouldn't be with anyone, sorry.

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 12:44

It's only been 3 weeks and he said I'm happy to see you but not mentioned if there is others.
He has always been flirty with girls and always had a gf

OP posts:

unicorn501 · 24/10/2015 12:51

This is why I don't use Whatsapp with boyfriends any more, way too much scope for paranoia! Why is he online, why has he read my message but not replied, knowing that he knows what time you read his message...etc etc.

ImperialBlether · 24/10/2015 12:54

OK, well I don't think your average heterosexual man is on whatsapp at 3 am talking to other men.

Only1scoop · 24/10/2015 13:02

There you go then prob flirting at 3am

Why wouldn't he be

Fratelli · 24/10/2015 15:22

If it's only been 3 weeks it's not worth the hassle! If you haven't said you're exclusive then he's within his rights to see other people, as are you.

peggyundercrackers · 24/10/2015 15:48

Did you msg him at 2 or 3am? If not why should he msg you? Maybe he clicked on it by mistake like you do. Maybe he thinks you are speaking to other men? He might think your making a fool of him...

Robotgirl · 24/10/2015 17:28

Anything else making you feel uneasy apart from the whatsapp, OP? Sounds like this might be an addition to something else?

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 18:38

No I didn't message him at 3am.
Don't want to come across as clingy.
He does work nightshift Monday to Thursday so I guess maybe that's why he was awake.
He hasn't been on whatsapp all day today.

OP posts:

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 18:40

We never talk on whatsapp he normally just texts me
I noticed he can go days without even going on whatsapp.

OP posts:

unicorn501 · 24/10/2015 19:02

So, you don't even message each other on whatsapp, but you go on there to check when he's been online?! You really need to chill out a bit!

Confused2015xxx · 24/10/2015 19:04

No I use whatsapp to message friends not to just check on him.

OP posts:

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PamDooveOrangeJoof · 24/10/2015 19:43

I would assume he is talking to other people if you aren't exclusive and it's only been three weeks. That's dating now.
Talking to, seeing, shagging, multiple people until you are exclusive. And people aren't always upfront about this either.

Sorry but if I were you I would try not to get so emotionally involved so early. Try and take a step back.

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