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Don't know what to do next

(4 Posts)
Haribogirl Sun 04-Oct-15 14:28:14

Partner and I have been having some relationship problems over past 18 months on and off

So at present moment,
He's been going out on his own( as he was always asking me where do I want to go!, I can only visit places so many times!)because it lead to arguments in the end.
Problem is now I feel he can't wait to get out away from me! He will have lunch then try's to make it like an excuse to get out like oh I'll just o get ...
I'm going for petrol or sometimes just goes and doesn't say anything even when he comes back. Says we need space(which we do)
On Friday he actually said I'm going out this afternoon, so come 2 ish I thought I go town he was just getting ready upstairs to go I think
When I came back he'd gone. It. Got to 6 ish which is very very unlike him to not be home, so I texted to see if I should put lights on as I was going out
He texted he would be back 10.30 usual time for Friday night when he goes out

So sat I say did you know you weren't coming back for tea to which I got
Don't start an argument again!
He as made me now feel I can't ask about his time away it makes me feel very distant from him that he now feels he can't share his day with me in communicating together. When I mention this he says I only want to know because I'm nosey! But I feel it's communicating between each other.

How do I get this back, so that he ask me out with him?
And do I get his trust back and vice versa? Is it time?

I feel I need to spill!! I'm the type of person who likes to clear the air and move on
He is the type who will now say(after so many chats/in into arguments)
So start again another argument
But it's all festering inside me and I need to talk,but he will just carry on like nothing is wrong(but it is)

All of this as started mainly from retiring and his dad's dementia
He not the type of bloke to sit watching tv, always on the go hence he as to get out. Now his statement is I don't know how long I've got left so I'm going to do what I want when I want!

Haribogirl Sun 04-Oct-15 15:41:07

Anybody got my advice??

He's out now, been out for 3 hours nearly

Do I risk asking where/what he's been up to? At the risk of him saying don't start again!
Wait to see if he says anything related when he comes back

God I feel like I don't now what to do, been in relationship 12 years nc
He is 60 I'm 58. I feel like a bloody teenager not wanting to rock the boat

Haribogirl Sun 04-Oct-15 15:43:28

Pressed to soon

What's wrong with me! I've got all these normal questions I want to talk about but feel I can't because of his behaviour towards me
Ffs

Starkswillriseagain Sun 04-Oct-15 20:30:38

I think it's fair enough for him to want to go out and do so, especially if he's invited you previously and you don't want too. It's not fair to go out and not let you know when he's back. That's just common courtesy and should go both ways. What if you waited in, thinking that he'd be back soon and actually didn't come back until 11pm? You'd have wasted a possible chance to catch up with people or something.

I think you need to have a serious talk about your relationship.

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