Brief history, I separated from my husband (mutual agreement) nearly three months later a mutual friend (that I hadn't seen for a fair while and lives a fair distance from me) got in touch and and we regularly chatted (nearly every day), two months later we almost met up but he got cold feet. He was going through a tough time himself. I got really upset, he couldn't see what he'd done wrong even though meeting up had been insinuated by him. I backed right off, but within a couple of weeks he was sending me messages.
The messages restarted as just normal friendly how are you doing type messages but quite quickly went back to being really flirty on both sides.
Two months down the line he asks when I'm going to be going up. So I give a rough date (nearly two months away) now we're five ish weeks away from that date and he's obviously got cold feet and said he's not ready for a relationship as he needs to sort himself out, he's an emotional mess etc. I get that he's been through a tough time in the last year with an ex what I find hard to cope with is leading me on and then dropping me. Although I'm pleased he's said this before I stayed with him (it would have been a big thing for me to have had sex)
I've also realised that majority of the times he's said he wanted me and wanted to see me was after a few drinks.
I'm new to all of this having been married for 17 years and a long relationship before that. Both not particularly healthy.
I'm really devastated by this though, more so than my marriage breaking down. We really clicked, he made me smile and is just a nice decent guy. The problem I have is that I'm not sleeping and I am now suffering from anxiety and think I'm having panic attacks.
How do you get over the rejection?
How do you move on from this?
Why am I reacting like this?! I'm normally so level headed...
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Please help me deal with this, friendship that was almost relationship (sad)
Chocamochalatte · 28/09/2015 19:25
OP 
I had an incredibly similar experience after my divorce many years ago. What hurt the most was that this rejection was worse than my marriage breakdown,as you yourself said. Weird isn't it? Many years later I look back and of course, in retrospect, my marriage breaking down was ENORMOUS. But I could rationalise it, make sense of it. It wasn't a rejection. It was the end of a long and vital chapter of my life, so the pain was different and lingering.
You're being pushed, pulled and teased by this guy at a time when you are wide open, vulnerable. You want love so much, a better love than the one that's been dying on you for years (I've been there) but the truth is, you're not really ready. Any relationship right now would be dodgy.
This will sound super corny but I mean it: It's YOU time. Have a relationship with yourself for a while, seriously. The best thing I did after this similar scenario was just close up shop. Looking for love was not on my agenda. Life... my life became my focus. After my marriage, which was a bit of a soul destroying one in the end, I just needed to build up my confidence, get to know myself again, enjoy life again on my terms. I remarried a few years later and am now 6 years into my second marriage. I never forget how lonely I felt after my divorce. But I grew tenfold. This is your time. Love will find its way back to you, for sure. But right now, you just have to get to know yourself again. Grow in strength, in spirit, and in confidence.
By the way, here's how I dealt with that guy (my rebound) who rejected me: I just stopped taking the guy's calls/responding to texts. I felt so used and like your fella, this guy would text and make all sorts of plans after a drink. I can't tell you the number of times he stood me up. I'd be there, waiting by the door for him to pick me up for our date. He never showed up. We went on one real date and 5 fantasy ones. It really got to me. I'll never forget being out in Regent's Park with my then little boy (who was 4 and is now a big 13 year old) and calling up my mum just crying and crying. She must have thought I lost my mind. I did! I was sobbing in a way I never did over my divorce. It was just the rejection heaped on top of me after losing the future I had invested in with my ex-husband. The rejection from that guy was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Online daring? Are you JOKING?? Op is red raw, OLD is not the place to go when you're red raw!
Sorry to be fierce though! OLD is not a daisy-strewn meddow but FULL of men who pull endless stunts not dissimilar to what has happened to the op with this guy. It's the very last place for her to go imo.
Op, some people are really quite fucked up - and getting into their orbit can make us feel nuts. You long to be loved bcs your marriage didn't deliver the goods: along this guy came and it looks very much like he was going to deliver the goods you one for. Then he strung you along which got you into a bit of a frenzy...
Horse is right, you need to withdraw, shut up shop, focus on yourself; grieve all the hope and promise of your marriage that came to nothing (in a drawn out way 
). Your time will come but in the meantime b-r-e-a-t-h-e. Panic/anxiety attacks happen usually bcs we still beating/hold or breath/breath shallowly. Take a deep breath/sigh, down to your stomach. Do that now and again when you think of it. Be aware of how you're breathing and give your attention to slowing it down and making it more regular xx
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