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Help! Is this what normally happened after abusive relationship?

(5 Posts)
nonameuser Sun 16-Aug-15 11:42:11

Long story short, he was emotionally abusive and physically abused me once. I agreed to give him a chance and work on our relationship together. He became much nicer since and did a lot of little nice things for me. However it really isn't enough for me because i just think our relationship is not going anywhere.
I don't feel loved, I dont think he is making enough effort. We are not doing counselling, we are not seeking any help, we are not making big changes to our relationship for the better. And even when he was really nice to me, I thought about the way he treated me. Deep down I know he is improving but I can't get over the old days how he put me down and made me feel miserable.
I still cry every week, sometimes everyday. And finally I had to sleep with another man to get rid of the pain. So naive and immature right? But the pain is killing me i really dont know how to distract myself. I told him about this and I think we are over.

I want to know how people move forward after being hurt by an abusive partner. I still love him very much but i probably care more about my health than our relationship. I am just so sick of this i want to be loved again sad

nonameuser Sun 16-Aug-15 11:43:35

I just hated myself even for when I slept with other man. Its so not me and it really isnt helping my problem. These days are just getting worse and worse

nonameuser Sun 16-Aug-15 11:43:57

I just hated myself more when I slept with other man*

pocketsaviour Sun 16-Aug-15 22:19:56

I think you could do with some help in sorting things out in your own mind.

I am just so sick of this i want to be loved again

I think you need to be happy on your own for a bit before you expose yourself to a relationship again.

Have you had a look at the Freedom Programme? I think it would really benefit you and help you prevent getting back into another abusive relationship, and maybe help you think about what you are so desperate to have a partner.

TopOfTheCliff Sun 16-Aug-15 23:22:23

Are you still with him? If the relationship is still going on then he will still be the same abusive person. Have you read about the cycle of abuse and how Mr Nice and Mr Nasty take turns to appear?
You say you told him about your pain "and I think we are over". If it was your decision he will try to hoover you back by being nice. It won't last.

You need to get away from him and stop him messing with your head. he won't ever become the man you want him to be.

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