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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What is this and what can I/should I do?

16 replies

tweets79 · 16/08/2015 09:53

I started another thread a few days back but a few things have happened since. Been with H for 10 yrs, and basically he has always been a very moody, stroppy person. I have always been used to it and knew it would pass usually at the most after a few days. But now it's is wearing me down, almost chipping away at me. Last night it came to a head and I told him. I was going to a small charity event he was in a strop all day do it wore on me and made me down, i didn't enjoy the event and came home early.

He manages to make everything into the "poor hims" and I'm sick if it.

Always loads of excuses and most of the time I end up feeling sorry for him but I can't keep doing this. I think he wants me to live in his pocket but I need my own part of life too.

What if anything can be suggested to overcome these moods and behaviour?

OP posts:

Report

wallaby73 · 16/08/2015 10:01

You see what he did there? Sabotaged your event......you felt unable to enjoy it and went home early - result for him! He sounds AWFUL and manipulative

tweets79 · 16/08/2015 10:03

You this is what I thought too but there has been other occasions when there was nothing on and yet still this cloud in the room.

And yes he tripped me by saying it was his fault and he ruined my night? Then I felt bad.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 16/08/2015 10:37

Why is it you feel bad because of his behaviour? He's behaving appallingly and yet he always makes you feel like the villain.

How does he do that to you?

pocketsaviour · 16/08/2015 10:39

Do you have children together?

tweets79 · 16/08/2015 10:47

I'm not sure how he has the ability to make me feel bad but I always end up the bad one. We have 1 DC together.

OP posts:

tweets79 · 16/08/2015 17:54

I also feel bad as he has said he feels I don't put in the effort, maybe it is me who makes him be the way he is sometimes? I have been feeling down at times and the stress off everyday life?? Maybe I have been neglecting things.

We are thinking about a trial separation but im terrified this will be it. He is suggesting it but at the same time telling me its the last thing he wants??

OP posts:

straighttopudding · 16/08/2015 19:24

Sorry OP, it sounds like he's trying to force you to be the one to make the decision so that he can make you out to be the bad guy and continue to make you feel bad, whatever you choose to do...

ShizeItsWeegie · 16/08/2015 19:55

I would go for total the suggested separation OP. You will feel as free as a bird away from him and his weirdness.

tweets79 · 16/08/2015 21:09

I am very very tempted to call his bluff and say just go.

I feel he is treating me terribly yet cleverly turning it around to make him seem caring and concerned??

He has just pushed me too far this time and it just hurts so much,

I just don't understand how he feels this can be normal, he obviously does not trust me yet blames that its others he doesn't trust around me.

OP posts:

tweets79 · 17/08/2015 17:24

Sorry, back again!

Well today he is all nicey, nicey, spoke to me about separation yesterday, not a mention of it today??

Weird thing was I had a brill sleep last night. This seems to be the circle, he goes all weird, controlling and paranoid, I stand my ground, he goes all nice and I forgive him, this will all happen again within 2 - 3 weeks!!

OP posts:

TRexingInAsda · 17/08/2015 17:33

Break the circle, do the trial, see how it goes.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/08/2015 17:36

That is all part of the nice/nasty cycle such men do but it is a continuous cycle.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours is he meeting here?.

I think your life overall would be far happier without him in it day to day.

KatelynB · 17/08/2015 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jan45 · 17/08/2015 17:54

Read it back, does it sound like a normal healthy relationship to you, no, not to anyone else either.

Have the trial separation, if nothing else you wont have him pissing on your parade.

DeputyPecksBentBeak · 17/08/2015 18:02

My DF used to do this my DM. When we were younger she rarely went out by herself. In fact it was usually only once a year when her and her college friends had a reunion lunch and afternoon.

My DF would always start an argument, be in a huff etc etc, before she went. My DM only realised when one of her friends commented once that they always argued whenever she went out with them and invariably my DM would have a miserable time as a result.

She's still with him but I can't say they're happy. Do his mood swings usually work to his advantage when you step back and think about it?

Smilingforth · 17/08/2015 18:39

How awful. Please have a direct conversation; listen very carefully and then see if anything changes. If not it's going to be hard

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