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Long distance, paranoid or sensible??

(10 Posts)
Torchlight86 Sat 15-Aug-15 23:37:22

So I've been seeing someone for a few months now we live a good few hours away from each other, it all started well, phone calls every night, texts, visits every few weeks etc, he works a lot and I have a child so it makes it difficult to see each other.

For the last few weeks little things have been creeping in, he won't call one night and say he fell asleep, I'll send a message to whatsapp and it won't even deliver (I don't even know what that means but someone suggested posibly that he'd deleted whatsapp?) when we talk he's very reassuring, tells me he really likes me, he isn't interested in anyone else, he's not the sort of person to mess around etc, which is reassuring to an extent but then, of course you would say that right? No ones going to tell the truth if they're planning on being a dirt bag are they!!

I had a very bad relationship before where my partner was just sleeping with everyone behind my back and for months I made excuses for his behaviour, he was stressed from work, I'd done something wrong, the usual until I final admitted to myself he was a total cheating dirt bag! So now I'm faced with these little niggling doubts and I honestly don't know if I'm being paranoid, If I'm right but I'm making excuses like I did in the past or what!! ��

I feel I can't talk to him about it because it's a bit offensive really if he's a decent person, and if he's not I'll be warming him I'm suspicious and he'll just act less suspicious/hide it better!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks smile

ShitHappens1 Sat 15-Aug-15 23:59:16

If by doesn't deliver on Whatsapp, you mean just one tick, it means that he's manually closed the app on his phone (you know how apps run in the background and drains battery, it just means he's closed it) and stays as one tick until he reopens the app. It wouldn't even allow you to message him if he'd deleted the app.

Viewofhedges Sun 16-Aug-15 00:07:18

I had a LTR. It was the same - started out with lots of contact but as time went on, often there would be nights when there weren't messages, or they were so late I missed them, and sometimes I'd go to bed cross or thinking that he obviously didn't like me that much etc.

And I was totally wrong. He just sometimes was really tired, or watched a film, or whatever. He didn't feel exactly the same need to communicate as I did at precisely the same time, which is normal as we are not precisely the same people!

18 months later I moved cities to marry him. He remains decent, trustworthy, kind and lovely. Currently asleep next to me on the sofa.

Trust a little. Not all men cheat. Sometimes life gets in the way of messages. Judge him on how he actually is towards you. If you are suspicious of him he probably will never be able to convince you that he is not cheating even if he never has. So I say remember your past, be aware of why you may think these things, then give the new guy the benefit of the doubt - but if necessary be honest and tell him you may seem to lack trust in him but you have been misled in the past and you need to be careful. He should respect that. But Dont let your rubbish ex potentially lose you a good relationship.

Smorgasboard Sun 16-Aug-15 00:16:12

Don't really get the point of starting a LDR, almost as a plan. Just makes life harder. (She says, having done some). If you meet, date, then circumstance parts you, then it's understandable to go with it and work around it as you have usually formed the bond before being separated. To start off that way is to cause unnecessary stress from the beginning surely?

Torchlight86 Sun 16-Aug-15 00:35:47

Up to now it's actually been quite positive been long distance, I think I've been guilty in the past of spending too much time with someone too soon in a relationship which I think can be quite detrimental! It's actually been quite nice to miss someone, have phone conversations that last for hours, really appreciate the time we do get to spend together etc

if I'm honest I sort of know I'm being a bit stupid but it's so hard when you've trusted someone in the past and been made a fool of, I'd hate for my ex to manage to ruin a perfectly good relationship because of the way he treated me, but I couldn't bare to put my trust in someone fully again and be let down! So I feel I'm sort of in a limbo of trying really hard to believe he's a good guy but feeling horrible all the time! I think I'm just going to have to ride it out and hope I start feeling better about it again! x

Torchlight86 Sun 16-Aug-15 00:37:33

ShitHappens1 - thanks for the whatsapp info it's actually been driving me mad trying to find out what the one grey tick means! I can't be doing with all this modern stuff telling us when things have been read, when we're being ignored etc! It's enough to drive you crazy on its own!!

Smilingforth Sun 16-Aug-15 06:55:40

He sounds fine. I think you need to trust.

Knightknight Sun 16-Aug-15 09:04:05

I don't think that's true. One tick means it's not been delivered to his phone yet, two means it's been delivered but he's not opened whatsapp or your chat, two blue ticks mean it's been read.

Torchlight86 Sun 16-Aug-15 09:14:46

I just tried it with my friend, I closed whatsapp and she sent one, it showed on my phone and I didn't open it and on her phone it showed one grey tick, then as soon as I went on to my whatsapp without opening her message it came up as 2 ticks x

Chocamochalatte Sun 16-Aug-15 09:29:24

If you 'swipe' the message to the left it will tell you what time the message was read...

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