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Advice for my friend

4 replies

Fattypants · 14/08/2015 20:13

Dear friend is on her way to stay for a few days/as long as she needs, 2 DC in tow. Her partner stayed out all night at OW house not responding to texts, says he got too drunk to come home. Follows a 2 or 3 month period of anxiety for her because of her partner's friendship with OW, plus his basic twattery having only bought in £1200 to the household YTD yet exhibiting entitled behaviour with regular socialising and heavy drinking. He's been gaslighting/minimising the last few months surprise surprise. No evidence this new friendship has yet crossed any lines but my friend has felt unwelcome to join in with their socialising from the beginning and since developing a bad taste in her mouth about the whole situation wouldn't want to build a friendship with her partners new friend anyway. So, advice is - how to help my friend work out what to do at the end of her stay? Skint so no options to separate physically in immediate future. Have already advised to take control of finances (most family benefits go to partners account, hence his seeming ability to go off drinking whenever he fancies). I know she'll obviously need emotional support too (advice welcome here too!) but not sure what approach I should take practically? Help please dear vipers?

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Glassofwineneeded · 14/08/2015 21:37

I'm eagerly watching for very similar advice! Hope you don't mind me tail-gating your post. My friend has just told Her DH she doesn't love him and is coming to visit for a few days wirh 2 dc's.
It's hard to know what to say isn't it?

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Fattypants · 14/08/2015 22:00

It is! It's easier for an outsider to kick straight to the anger stage but I want to respect her right to feel sadness and get to anger in her own time. Plus the mess of awful finances complicates matters. Sorry to hear your friend is also facing similar. Does she live far or close to you? My friend is travelling 4+ hrs to be with us, we hail from the same country and have a fairly long history - she has people who could offer support in her current home town but not as close and imagine creating some physical distance will help her too. I accidentally posted twice, didn't think this one worked so feel free to check out the later one too if anyone can help us be the best support we can.

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Glassofwineneeded · 14/08/2015 22:33

She's travelling 2 hours to see me. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and it's hard not to tell her what I think she should do, because that might not be right for her.
I guess we just have to be there to listen, offer hugs and alcohol if needed!

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Fattypants · 14/08/2015 22:39

I hear you. Have rose in the fridge. Plus loads of food cos I am worried about her losing weight but not sure she'll have an appetite for my feeder tendencies. Sorry to hear you've suffered similar, more power to you for escaping