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Marriages that got over the worse affairs? How, help?

(9 Posts)
2la82turn1987 Thu 13-Aug-15 22:33:07

Reaching out to anyone that can give me any advice of how to recover? Is it possible, if so what can be done? What you did? Is it sad to want to fix something so broken?

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 13-Aug-15 22:38:39

Do you both want to fix this? It is possible, but only if both parties are 100% committed.

DragonsCanHop Thu 13-Aug-15 22:43:57

What is he doing to fix things?

2la82turn1987 Thu 13-Aug-15 23:14:11

6 months ago found out my husband cheated on me with a coworker while our baby was struggling for his life. We just got married last October and we had a really happy home. My water broke nearly 3 months early and I was hospitalized for a month on bed rest, my son was so premature he needed life support. 15 days in the NICU he went home, the next day I got a call for the dr, he needed to be rushed back to the NICU for possible newborn disease called MCADD, that could kill him, at that point I was broken, I didn't know how much more I could take, long story short... I had to feed him every 2-3 hours or he could die. My stress level was awful, I had to pump and then bottle feed him to make sure he was getting enough milk, I never slept and was always in fear. Test took almost 6 months to come back clear, I had to quit my job as he did not have a clear bill of health, I was lost and afraid every second for my baby's life. Fighting for him was the only thing that kept me strong, a mothers only choice, I was afraid to appear weak. Thank God, he is just a carrier and my husband was to busy"working" 60+ hours a week to help out but rented a hotels to screw this married coworker, she even has the same name as I do, B** even destroyed me liking my name but was 17 years older than me and not attractive at all, gray headed, over weight, old, I am in my mid 20s and she was in her mid 40s. He has begged me to forgive but everyday is a struggle, is it possible to get over this affair? I want to give him a little credit he did stay in the hospital many days and nights with me and has raised my other children for 5 years as his own, they call him dad, my ex H is a child sex offender and I cut all ties several years ago before I found out bc he was and is a pos, I raised my other 2 kids as a single mom for 2 years, I felt at the time like he was fully there to support us in the hospital, so I thought, the unanswered questions haunt me the most, how long did the affair last... really? How did he see my pain and me struggle with our baby and leave me alone for her? I felt like I was dying inside, and when I found out he was ok I was so happy. We watched the baby beside my son in him room, get weaker and weaker as her mother was told to let go, her baby was born 23 weeks. I felt like it was our sliver lining, yes I struggled but he only got stronger and stronger. What if our son would've had the disease, what if I would slept to long and he would've died? How could anyone be capable of such? How is praying for amnesia to forget, healthy? How can I
rip my kids away from another father and home and is that my only choice?

Milllii Thu 13-Aug-15 23:22:56

Poor you. Glad your baby is getting better. No excuse but it sounds like your DH couldn't cope and shagged his co worker to escape. Not that it helps but 40 is not at all old. Just saying. What do you want to happen now? If you could have a wish what would you want?

2la82turn1987 Thu 13-Aug-15 23:41:48

I know 40s are not old, this hag looks like she is in her 60s, trust me I see great looking ladies in their 40s. JS anyways a wish, unrealistic the affair to have never happened, maybe more realistically speaking to stop thinking about it and somehow complete forget.

2la82turn1987 Thu 13-Aug-15 23:44:40

We did marriage counseling but seems to just make us fight more, I don't even know what to ask for to make it better.

DragonsCanHop Fri 14-Aug-15 00:19:48

I have read your other thread.

I think you have tried really hard to make it better again but I can't see where he is putting the effort in?

You come across as a very strong person (I bet you don't feel that right now) and you deserve soooo much better.

Smilingforth Fri 14-Aug-15 08:14:58

If both parties try and want it it can happen and can lead to a stronger happier relationship. It takes effort and commitment though and clearly isn't easy. I feel most people don't try hard enough but deep down there is often something worth saving

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