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Time to call it a day?

(12 Posts)
Pinkisthenewblue Tue 11-Aug-15 18:07:49

DP and I have lived together for 2 years, been together 2.5. Generally very happy.

One day last month I was off work sick. DP left laptop on by the bed from the night before, and as I was lying in bed I picked it up to use the internet. His emails were open, the first one with my name clearly in the content in the first line, with his mother. I opened it. He had told her he had been offered work in Ireland, (we live in Scotland), and said he hadn't told me yet because he was unsure about what he wanted to do, and didn't want to upset me unnecessarily. Mothers response? That I was too over the top with him, that it wasn't healthy for him to be with someone like me and that she 'would of course keep it a secret.' She said I didn't think about our life as a couple.

I was shocked because although MIL can be difficult, she's never outright said something so nasty, to my knowledge. I raised this with DP and he said that he hadn't wanted to upset me and said he was sorry he hadn't addressed the nasty comments in the email with his mother but he didn't want to upset her. I explained it hurt me more to be lied to. (Mil is single and does not speak to ex husband).

Since then, we have seen MiL a few times and she has first of all said to DP that he should not be saving to buy a house with me, and should instead buy alone. 2 weeks later she said he should buy somewhere with her.

By way of background - DP has been in tears about his mother many times.. Ranging from sending her money when he sees his dad because he feels guilty and crying because she has called up and had a fall out with a friend. He feels he can't stand up to her, and I feel like MIL has become really nasty towards me recently for no real reason.... I have always been genuinely nice to her.

Im exhausted with the drama and DP'a lies combined. Would you call it a day?

Jan45 Tue 11-Aug-15 18:19:47

Yip, he's a mummy's boy and they rarely change.

pocketsaviour Tue 11-Aug-15 18:23:22

Have you posted about this man before? Some of this sounds very familiar, especially about the job relocation.

Pinkisthenewblue Tue 11-Aug-15 18:25:42

No I haven't?? I do remember a post like that tho.

Mummy's boy it is...

ALaughAMinute Tue 11-Aug-15 18:32:38

Sounds like she's jealous of you.

InTheBox Tue 11-Aug-15 18:34:07

Are you married to him? I know you refer to your 'mil' but it's not entirely clear if you're married or living together (with intention of getting married). Do you have children?

Based on what you've written, if you are not married and don't have children I'd call it a day. If you are married with kids, and the only issue so far is Mil and his lying then it's worth considering if he's able to work out your problems together.

fabuLou Tue 11-Aug-15 18:36:45

Run like the wind my dearflowers

Ahemily Tue 11-Aug-15 18:39:11

I wouldn't call it a day if you love him - but I would ask that he address the way his mother speaks about you by standing up to her.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 11-Aug-15 18:40:50

Time indeed to call it a day. This is what your future life will be like with him as well.

Your man is as much a problem as his mother is. He cannot stand up for himself and will always put her before you. He would much rather upset you. He still seeks her approval (that she will never give him freely) and is far more afraid of her than he ever would be of you.

Joysmum Tue 11-Aug-15 18:50:57

Plenty of people have relationships in which they are NC with in laws and their partner isn't. It can work, but only if the partner is able to open and honest with their partner so they aren't being undermined by the parent.

Unless your DP can do this you don't stand a chance of being successful in this.

FredaMayor Wed 12-Aug-15 11:24:47

Absolutely you should call it a day. If you stay with him you will also be staying with her. He in no fit state to be in a relationship because this type of emotional connection dependency on her and vice versa will never end, even her eventual passing away may not change that.

Look to your own future.

SoleBizzzz Wed 12-Aug-15 13:29:03

He'll never change.

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