Help me write a letter please

[Yellowstripe]

This may be jumbled, sorry, trying to include everything relevant.

ExH pays £250 a month towards our two children since Jan 2010 (previously £200 - for 3 DC for part of that time). When I last asked for an increase he refused, and said he would start giving the (2) DC some pocket money instead.

He is self employed, so hides his actual income well (as I know from our married time together) yet runs a decent car for work and a lovely sports car. Moving in with GF soon so his outgoings in terms of rent & utilities etc will reduce.

DC used to go to him EOW but this stopped two years ago. I should have tackled the issue then but there was some trauma going on which made it difficult. Now it's a few days around 3 times a year.

I work PT/TT to fit round the DC so not earning much, private rent is approx 20% more than my salary, topped up by HB. Work will not increase my hours, and I am tied to them because they are paying for me to do a qualification which still won't mean an increase in hours/salary so not sure what the point is

One DC is off to uni next month, so I will be losing CB, Tax Credits, maintenance and a chunk of HB. Uni child will obviously still need a room/home here so can't downsize.

Basically, I feel that five years without an increase in his contribution to the increased costs of living is long enough. BUT I need to word the email so he can't wriggle out of his responsibilities. I don't want to sound needy - I hate asking him for ANYTHING because basically he can, and does, just say no. It's that easy for him. He was emotionally and financially abusive and sexually coercive throughout and after our marriage, and I hate offering him another opportunity to be controlling again.

Whilst I'm normally shit hot pretty good at writing that sort of stuff, I'm struggling with this and I can feel the red mist descending just thinking about it. Please can someone help with firm but clear content? Should I find stats for exactly how much the cost of living has gone up etc?

If you got through that lot, thank you!

[pocketsaviour]

Do you really think it's going to make any difference, based on his behaviour to date?

Does he own his own company or does he work as a contractor? if the former, you should be able to access his declared company income which will be available on the Companies House website. If he has listed himself as a director you will also see his declared salary. You can then use that to work out the statutory minimum he should be paying.

[Jan45]

Get advice from CAB, find out how much legally he is meant to be paying, he either pays it or you report him.

He's never taken responsibility for anything, why would he start now

[TongueBiter]

He owns his own company; he hides a lot in 'expenses' but it's a good place to start - thanks for the pointer.

I do realise he is never going to change, and fully acknowledge there are deeper issues than c/m but as the years go on, the pattern of him going unchallenged is more and more obvious. He did used to say if I lived with anyone he would stop paying altogether - just shows his mindset.