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I don't really know the point to my post, other than these message boards have been helping me in the process of getting over someone. But I'm feeling deflated again and just need to air my thoughts I guess.
I posted here before as I've broken up with a man who quite frankly was no good for me.
I have fought the urge to reactivate my Facebook account again, to snoop on him or the women he was 'messing around with'. I have finally started counselling sessions to work on my self esteem as well as other areas of my life. I have not contacted him or gone out if my way to bump into him (all the things I would usually do).
On the whole, I'm proud of myself. It's been so tough. I miss him, but accept I miss the old him. But what I'm still struggling with is the rejection. It makes me feel there is something wrong with me. I keep expecting him to text or reach out. I know as childish as it seems, I want the chance to reject him. But know that he is still thinking of me. If that makes any sense?
My mind still wanders now and then, imagining him doing all the nice act and gestures with another woman etc. And it just hurts. But then I try to convince myself that one day, he will do exactly the same to them as he did to me.
I've managed to keep busy as best I can. Tried online dating but was so disappointed. It seems no one is looking for anything meaningful.
I'm thinking the best thing is to learn to be happy in myself, without relying in a man to make me happy. But I get lonely. Will this pass?
How can I fight these feelings of rejection or not feeling good enough? It's crazy, because I know in my mind that I was too good for him. But I still feel this way?
Sorry for rambling ....
I just wanted to say how very much I relate to your post .. I'm afraid I have no wisdom to add other than I understand.
I tend to go NC and block so at least I figure if they do ever contact I'll never know- basically, it doesn't have the ability to turn my world upside down - again!
I found my behaviour was becoming obsessive and my moods/ day /life depended on his attitude / behaviour towards me.
It wasn't healthy.
I started counselling last week too ...
Wish you the best, happy to talk
Hi Lady, sorry to hear that. It's awfully time consuming and destructive isn't it.
I definitely become obsessed. On one respect I feel a wave of relief, as he isn't my problem anymore. Any of his behaviour now..the cheating etc, won't make me feel a fool as we're no longer together.
I'm hoping the counselling will teach me to value myself more. I think on reflection, my vulnerability attracts such men. He wasn't the first guy to treat me that way.
Fundementally I'm a good decent person. My mum doesn't understand why I go for these types if men. But in fairness, they all seem great and wonderful at the beginning! !
I'm angry with myself for giving this man head space. But I truly just feel rejected and worthless.
Are you currently going nc with someone now?
Hope you stay strong
Yes, very destructive behavior. For me it was the need to keep getting the initial rush?! It , of course, dissipated. Then I would become overly sensitive to changes - such as late morning texts?! Seems crazy.
I can rationalise that it was my issue, my anxiety, however the choices I made were poor. I was choosing people with unpredictable and cruel personalities and attaching to them.
Agree with the fact it's happened to me a few times. My counsellor reckons I struggle with loss and have had a few shocks in life- all true. It's how it transpires to relationships .. I don't think I've had normal behavior to normalise it?
Therefore, addicted to the chaos. Does that make any sense?
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