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Should I take him back?

(14 Posts)
William198 Sat 08-Aug-15 22:30:53

I need some advice... 7 months ago I found out my husband of 3 years had been having an affair for the past 12 months with a work colleague. Not only a colleague but known to my family. At the time I was 1 month pregnant with our second child, it was very traumatic and caused a lot of upset between both our families! I filed for divorce straight away and my husband began to realise the seriousness of his actions. However a month later I then found out from a family member that the OW had had an abortion which was my husbands child. I confronted them both and found out this was true which crushed me even more. It has been 7 months or so now and things have cooled down between myself and my ex and we are getting on well for the sake of our son and imminent arrival however I am starting to have doubts about the divorce. He doesn't see or hear from the ow anymore and deeply regrets the affair, he is really trying to put things right but I'm finding it hard to let him? My family really hate him and things will never be the same again between them and my mum thinks I'm being a fool for even letting him in my life, but I can't help thinking what if I allow him to put things right, start again and how much better it would be for our children in the long run? Should I listen to my family and move on? Or should I take a chance on putting my family back together knowing my own family would never respect my decision?

FenellaFellorick Sat 08-Aug-15 22:34:40

I wouldn't.
Not because I wanted to please my family.
But because I wouldn't want to go back to someone who could look me in the eye and claim to love me, all the while knowing he was ball deep in another woman every chance he got.

Spellcheck Sat 08-Aug-15 22:35:30

No. He will do it again. Accept him in your life as a co-parent, but move on. I wish I had listened to that advice when exH did it to me.

magoria Sat 08-Aug-15 22:39:50

If I have read this right you are very close to giving birth?

Your hormones and emotions are going to be all over the place.

I would not make any decisions yet. Have the baby and give it a good six months/year to see if he can step up before you make your mind up.

If he really means this he will understand and accept this.

If he doesn't you have your answer.

He also will need a complete set of STI tests as he has been happy to have unprotected sex with others.

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Aug-15 22:41:22

Oh god, what a horrible situation.

Had he been unfaithful to you before?

Was the pregnancy with you planned?

inlectorecumbit Sat 08-Aug-15 22:41:36

Nope that ship has sailed. He had his chance and he blew it.

New baby new start -good luck flowers

textfan Sat 08-Aug-15 22:46:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newstart15 Sat 08-Aug-15 22:55:00

As I have got older I have learnt that people who have affairs tend to repeat the process..somehow they have failed to develop emotional coping skills and when life gets difficult they turn to someone else. Ie have affairs You must be feeling very vulnerable so close to birth so totally agree that you don't need to make any hasty decision ,however your instinct was to divorce. I suspect that is right but it's natural to have second thoughts.

startagainonmonday Sat 08-Aug-15 22:57:46

So I assume he was having unprotected sex with both of you... no way would I let him back into my life. I doubt it would be better for your children in the long run unless you can truly put it behind you otherwise your DC will be growing up witnessing a relationship full of anger, resentment and disrespect.

Prior to the affair did your DH have form for this kind of thing, flirty behaviour, inappropriate messages etc?

FenellaFellorick Sat 08-Aug-15 23:13:34

That's true text fan. Sorry is often short for sorry I got caught.

This one wasn't sorry for a year while he fucked about.
He only got sorry when his fucking about messed up his preferred set up.

Morganly Sat 08-Aug-15 23:14:33

Another one voting for no. The deceit for a whole year! Such a cruel betrayal.

CalmYourselfTubbs Sat 08-Aug-15 23:28:33

no. not in a million years would i take him back.

category1 Sun 09-Aug-15 08:51:15

No. I stayed with someone after he cheated and I never could get the trust back (mostly cos he kept letting me down). A cycle of pain was all it was.

There are better futures out there for you and better partners. Stay strong now, don't go back.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 09-Aug-15 11:46:00

No. He cheated for a year, a third of your marriage, and he was having unprotected sex to boot. It's not as though it was a one off "mistake" was it. Why did it stop?

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