Advice please I'm sinking(10 Posts)
Just wondering if any of you can help me. So confused/stressed & teary. Split up from my husband 2 years ago , although we live in the same house. The time has come to break free..things are getting nasty.
He will only split the house 50/50 which I am ok about providing he pays maintenance for the kids which he is argueing that he doesn't have to as he is planning t have them 3 days per week.
What I need to know is how do I go about claiming benefits if he is still in the house? I can't move on otherwise & don't have enough savings to move out without these. I know technically i don't have to move, but have had enough of being controlled by a lier & cheat, & someone who cant see how selfish they are.
Sorry for the rant. Needed to get that out!
I didn't want to read and run but I don't know how it would work with benefits when you are still sharing a home. I'm assuming that when you say you split 2 years ago, that you formalised that in some way? If so, then I guess that should help with the benefits claim. Could you make an appointment with the local CAB? They'll be able to look at the details of your situation and advise you which benefits you're entitled to and how to apply. It sounds as though you have some savings already and depending on the amount, that can impact on your benefits too.
You do know he's bullying you to make you back down don't you ? Why 50/50 you hv the children to bring up and have a lesser earning power , that's why in court women usually get more, he's wrong here! With people like that you need to take control , CSA ( or whatever it's called now) and a solicitor . If you don't do this you will be doing yrself and the children a diservice. I bet in a very short time he will meet someone and hv the children less so you need to get all you can now , fight him back stand tall !
OP you need legal advice maybe the CAB might be a good place to start. If you are going to have equal custody then a 50/50 split with no maintenance may be right. Does he parent seven out of fourteen days,at present?
Go to a solicitor for advice. Start divorce proceedings and the financials and child contact will be sorted as it progresses.
If you can't agree between yourselves, you will have to do it through your solicitors. Depending on child contact he might not have to pay maintenance.
As for benefits I'm not sure but again get advice. If you are sharing a home I don't imagine you can claim anything as a lone parent.
It sounds like you will need to physically separate to get through this. If he won't leave you can wait till the divorce is sorted. However he sounds like an awkward one.
Don't leave until you get advice. It is very risky to leave the family home especially if you leave the children even temporarily.
However every couple's case is different. There are so many variables it is hard to advise you.
Thanks for all your replies. I think Molly is right when she says I'm being bullied. I don't have savings, but want to try & buy something small for me & the kids. EH answer to when I say we should do things through a solicitor is "Im not being told what to do at my age"! I've tried to reason with him that as he's on 4 times my salary, he needs to play fair. I gave up my original career to bring up the kids, although I carried on working.
I'm in catch 22. I need to try & get benefits to support me & the kids, but can't unless one of us move out.
Never thought I'd be in this position. Always knew EH was selfish, but didn't quite see how much until now. He moans he can't afford to take the kids on holiday, yet goes on a £1500 + one with the lads! Ranting again sorry
"I'm not being told what to do at my age"
Oh boy - he's in a for shock as he'll have no alternative but to compy with whatever a Court of Law orders, unless of course he's prepared to go to prison for his principles.
Rant away, honey. This bully needs to be put in his place and you've come to the right place for advice on how to achieve it
Hie thee to a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and has expertise in consigning lying twunts to oblivion. Source recommendations from supportive friends/family or post on the Legal board for SHLs (shit hot lawyers) of the rottweiler persuasion in your area.
Alternatively, make contact with your local Women's Aid branch and solicit recommendations/advice www.womensaid.org.uk
Many solicitors offer a free initial consultation and some will defer their fees until any financial issues inherent in the divorce process are resolved.
He is a bully as others have said. I would reiterate what others have said about Women's aid and Citizens Advice and also suggest you look at the website 'entitled to' to work out how you'd be fixed financially; others on here have recommended it to me and it is useful. You can also use the calculator on the CSA website to work out maintenance by entering how much he earns etc.
Don't be afraid that he will automatically get shared custody as it doesn't work that way - my ex threatened me with this too.
Definitely don't agree anything except through a solicitor. Do you want him to have them half the time? As you are married and he earns a lot more than you, there is a good chance you will be entitled to maintenance for yourself as well as for the children. You may also be entitled to more than 50% of the equity. Don't stitch yourself up (sadly very common in women in divorce).
Also, please make sure that you choose a lawyer who is a specialist family lawyer and ideally a member of Resolution - look on the Law Society website LawSoc
I'd ask your solicitor about moving fast to decree nisi because that triggers the court's ability to order interim maintenance. Actual decree absolute and a court stamped financial settlement will follow later but at least you will have something to live on in the meantime. If he can afford £15k holidays he can afford to pay you and the children.
As for his not liking to be told what to do - let him tell that to the court!
You can apply for benefits and tax credits as a single person while in the same house. You may need to show that you're properly separated, I.e not cooking or washing for each other. It's not unusual for separated couples to have to stay in the same property. Most families can't afford two lots of rent.
It may be more complicated because you have equity in your home. Most benefits have a Â£16K capital limit. I'd look at entitledto or turn2us.org UK or gov.UK and try a benefits calculator.
Also look at citizensadvice.org.UK for benefits information.
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