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sex drive help!

9 replies

taylor1984 · 27/07/2015 20:27

So after giving birth to our youngest child of 3 years over the last year she hasn't wanted intercourse at all, she says she just doesn't want to, our relationship is great with each nb other. I'm 30 and she is 27. I try and talk to her about nb it but she just says she doesn't want or feel like it, and if I want it then to go elsewhere, but I dont want cheat,

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rumpler · 27/07/2015 20:54

I'm in a similar boat and it's driving me totally crazy. I can usually keep it together by working out - running and so on, but recent illnesses removed that option. Tearing my hair out too, you have my sympathy.

Have you tried to find some kind of counseling ? Might she go for that ? It might be a step to take before doing something drastic. If that were not an option, don't cheat. I know she's said you should go elsewhere but I think it takes a pretty unusual relationship for that to be feasible. Major trust dynamic, and what if you fall for the 'elsewhere' ? Are you prepared to end your relationship over this ? I could be, but would not until all options had been tried to fix things. In my situation I can imagine another year or two of this and I'll be quite resentful and bitter, and that would surely be worse for our children than splitting.

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pocketsaviour · 27/07/2015 21:20

if I want it then to go elsewhere, but I dont want cheat

Well if she gave you permission to open the marriage, then you wouldn't be cheating. But I take your point that what you want is intimacy with the woman you love - your wife.

Did you have a regular sex life before the youngest DC? Or has her libido been low for a long time? IN your other thread you said you had four children now. Is she a SAHM? She's probably knackered to be fair...

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taylor1984 · 28/07/2015 02:38

I wouldn't cheat at all, not even thought about about it, just makes me mad she keeps suggesting it. I love the woman and tell her aswell. May have to look at going about counselling whether it be through gp or not.

Could the low sex drive possibly be caused by the contraceptive pill she is on all rigevidon/microgynon? As it does say could cause lower sex drive. Sex wasn't as regular as in every week possibly once a month. Come to think of it the last intimate night was well over a year ago.

Yes would love abit of intimacy, who wouldn't at 30, feels like there is a hole there that needs killings but can't be filled. Have tried nights away to get Into the mood with spa retreats for us both (1 a year for last 3 years) evenings in I cook instead of her film nights With Bottle of wine. Flowers on non special occasions , and she says they lovely and all that, but nothing.

Yes she is SAHM but I don't work excessive hours, 6.30 am-2pm with a week off every 6 weeks aswell as a 4 week's annual leave. But I rarely work to time as home by 12-1 and take over with what needs doing if anything.

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Jan45 · 28/07/2015 13:34

That's awful, what a position to be in, if she wont address the issue then I don't see how you resolve it, it will take both of you to do it together.

If she still refuses then I'd seriously look again at the relationship, I am a lot older than you but for me, a relationship without sex is just friends, and I'd need that intimacy.

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pocketsaviour · 28/07/2015 18:55

Hormonal contraception can very much affect sex drive. I think the bigger problem, though, is that she doesn't want to fix this :(

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taylor1984 · 28/07/2015 19:48

I'm not sure she even thinks there is anything wrong with herself. I have tried to suggest that I think the contraceptive pill is causing it but nothing happened. I had the snip 2 years ago as we don't want anymore children, and in the event she would come of the the pill eventually and she did but she went back to having really bad and heavy periods, and bad acne, so was put back on the pill, and been on 3 different pills in 3 years and now in this situation and can't understand the telling me to go off with someone else.

I have actually even thought about speaking to her mum about it as we are close and im closer to her then my own mum (another long story but nothing to do with this) Or possibly going to doctors and see what they suggest as I don't know what to do.

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LindyHemming · 28/07/2015 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DorisDazzler · 28/07/2015 21:57

I've sent you a pm Taylor.

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taylor1984 · 05/08/2015 20:20

I do.t think she is either depressed or has PND as she had it really bad with first child and that was horrible to see. I have though the lower sex drive could be down to the pill but she doesn't seem to think it has anything to do with it, and have tried to get speak to her about nb it but she just shrugs it off like it's not that