I'm really not sure if this is the best place for this, so please suggest elsewhere if necessary.
In an attempt to not drip feed this may be long, and I have name changed because I really do not wish to be identified.
The basic gist is this - I have been 'wendied,' I think is the term here. A previous friendship group has ostracised me due to the manipulation of another, newer friend, let's call her H.
H was always a friend, but not a particularly close one to any of us who were close and last year suffered a very difficult loss. We all felt dreadful for her and supported her in every way we could, from financial to emotional and practical. I don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but I was the driving force behind most of the help and whilst all the ladies were wonderful, I was the organiser. I like organising
Some months after this, H began to behave differently towards me, and she was growing visibly closer to some other friends, I was happy for her, she seemed to be moving on. She, however, must have either had some long held but kept quiet dislike of me, or she developed one around this time. She orchestrated a huge drama, accusing myself and several others of betraying her trust and privacy (this was categorically untrue) and succeeded in freezing myself and a couple of others out, because the other friends believed her over us, despite our proof and her lack of.
This in itself in theory doesn't bother me, I do not want friends who will treat me the way these people have (they were awful, turning so quickly and becoming abusive and extremely unkind, there has been only one apology from somebody who later realised what their behaviour had been like once it was shown that H was lying). But I am struggling, a lot, to come to terms with the total shift in my social life, I have lost all but a few of my closest friends. I am now developing new friendships with Mums on the school run and at toddler groups etc which is wonderful, but they are not yet at the point where I feel I can confide in them the way I could my old friends.
I am finding it incredibly difficult to trust new people, I am so afraid of being treated this way again, I am hurting. Is this normal? I just want to be able to get up and move on with my life but I am pulled back by a memory and feel I have to start from scratch with the 'recovery' process again.
I feel like this has been a theme my whole life, I have never and would never set out to hurt anybody, yet I seem to do so by accident with my mere existence. At school and college I had wonderful friends, all but one of these were lost when I fell pregnant early. Not so wonderful after all then.
When I was pregnant with my eldest son, I made new friends through my then partner, he was sleeping with all but one of those and even that one was discussing me and knew all about ex partner behind my back. Why do people do this?
I think I am a nice person, I do not judge people, I am kind, I help people, I can be fun, I'm not miserable not in public anyway . I have a lovely, amazing DH and beautiful well-rounded children. We have parents on both sides who support us and are great but they are also basically our entire social life. DH has friends at work but all his previous friends live where we used to and have drifted away, I feel for him too. Is this just the way adulthood goes when you have children or am I doing it wrong? Much as I love DH and DCs I don't want them to be my entire life, I'd like friendships too!
Well done if you managed to get to the end of that.
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Struggling with recent experience
7 replies
PinkSpottyHat · 26/07/2015 08:03
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