Talk

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breaking up is never easy

2 replies

pootle2000 · 22/07/2015 22:34

This could be a very long thread but in summary I've wanted to break up with my DH since January. On 3 occasions he has agreed and said he'll move out. We rent our house.

In September I started trying to open up that I , was scared for the future, our relationship was a bit dead.. and in honesty it had been just mates really for 2 years. We've been together 9 years. Sex has always been OK...

I am keen to move on emotionally but want an actual separation but we are so silently terrified of the change for our kids. 5 and 7. He never talks about grown up things and despite bring part time I've brought in the lions share for several years and i am tired of the financial burden. We as not a team. I manage the money as I am "capable" and "efficient"... if i have asked him to, I get lip service but nothing changes. After 9 years in very tired and stressed.

As it's many months down the line now and he hasn't moved, it's massively affecting my mental health. He knows this and these days just watches on and walks away; where he used to give me a chance to share. I now just say nothing. I've changed from passionate, articulate and animated to depressed and quiet and nervous.

The idea of talking to him again about our split is so awful, I'm considering writing a letter before I go away with the kids next week. I want him to tell him parents. I did to mine 8 months ago. He's told no one. I imagine he feels very scared but we both need support. He hasnt a good relationship with his dad which explains his unwillingness to talk.

So MN people... should I write a letter? Will it help me get my ideas across. He blows up when we talk as he finds it so uncomfortable and nothing ever changes in response. Thanks very much for listening

OP posts:

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joopy79 · 23/07/2015 10:24

It sounds like he is used to you doing everything. Give him a date by which he has to move out. Tell him where to look for local flats.

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pootle2000 · 25/07/2015 14:38

Thanks for replying joopy79. We did this in March. Agreed on July. I tried to indicate gently over the coming months and nothing. It now looks like it's me that will have to find a 2bed flat as he just isn't interested in improving things or moving on.
He is still kind to me but thinks I'm just having a nervous breakdown and 'i don't know how to help you'
I spell out I need to talk and he just hates it and as I'm feeling so weak these days I shy away. I feel a shadow of a person just now and feel if a get a cosy flat nearby it'll help me draw a line.