I have name changed as someone in real life knows I post here.
I'm looking for some advice/kick up the arse on whats a reasonable time frame for meeting up and how often you message. I had considered posting this in the dating thread but that seems to be for posters who are actually going on dates.
I dipped my toes into online dating a few months ago after splitting from my ex husband (I waited a while to gather my life together and well, I'm 34). It has been a pretty mixed experience with mostly men being very full on-I could write a whole other thread on this. I have met with five men, who asked me out for coffee pretty much after a couple of days. However, they weren't for me as they were very different in real life.
About a month ago I messaged a guy and we seemed to hit it off. He was the first guy who could compose proper messages and was quite witty. We also seemed to have a few things in common. The messages went on for six days and there was no hint of meeting up. I decided to drop hints at meeting up as I know from experience how different people are in real life and I am very quiet so I didn't want him building up a wrong impression of me.
He started to make excuses saying things like he was unsure as he wouldn't be quick witted in real life. So I dropped it and tried to continue chatting. I asked him a question about himself and got no response. We had been messaging back and forth and it stopped quite abruptly. About a day later still no response so I messaged him asking if he was still interested. He said that he was indecisive so it was a maybe. I thought charming!. Stupidly I continued messaging him. This time the messages were quite sporadic as in he would message over a couple of hours and then stop, leaving my questions unanswered. After about a week of this when I had no reply after a day I sent a message asking if he was still interested and felt he was leading me on as men usually ask for a date after a few messages. I will hold my hands up and say it was quite a direct message as I was fed up and by then suspicious. He replied saying that it takes him a while to get to know someone and he wanted to message so there was no nasty surprises. I thought fair enough perhaps he has had a bad experience. We exchanged a few messages and then poof off he disappears for a couple of days. I then get a message with his phone number. So I texted him through whatsapp and we exchanged messages over about a week.
I decided to take time out from messaging him as by then I was suspicious that he might be married given his reluctance to meet up and sporadic messages. Nosey me looked him up on Facebook as we met on Tinder and had one friend in common (this friend is an old school friend who is the loveliest person so when I swiped him I though he can't be that bad!). He isn't married, seems to be single for a long time and an obsession with famous women. The biggest shock though was a post slagging me off. It was after my message asking him if he was interested and that men usually ask for a date after a few messages. Fair enough I was abrupt but there was no need to air it on Facebook (this man is 35!). It was also very incorrect in what he said. The message went somewhere along the lines of 'no wonder some women are single. I have just got a horrid message because I didn't reply to a message in a timely manner. Blocked' Then a conversation went on with three females saying how I thought the world revolved around me, I needed to get a life and that I was crazy. Funny how during this conversation he was still messaging me and then a couple of days later he gave me his mobile number. So he lied about blocking me.
I am very hurt now and in disbelief about this. I am a very unconfident and insecure person so this has really hit me. The funny thing is if he had taken the time to get to know me he would realise that I am single because I am taking my time and I have a life doing many things. I would never expect an immediate message-funny I have had some men bombard me with messages throughout the day when I'm working because I didn't instantly reply and I would never constantly text a friend. I can't believe how bitchy people can be about a complete stranger. Needless to say I am well and truly put off by this man.
Sorry about the length of this post but I just wanted to get it all down. I am giving online dating a bit of a break now as this has really got to me and I am finding it a bit soul destroying. So what is a realistic time to expect a meeting and a reply to your messages? I was with my ex for a very long time, before Facebook and text messaging, so we never really messaged each other.
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Relationships
Online dating- what's right?
18 replies
TheQuietLady · 19/07/2015 21:20
OP posts:
hesterton ·
20/07/2015 08:54
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