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He wants to sort it out..

(9 Posts)
amimadd Thu 16-Jul-15 10:49:26

Something happened to me last year - a wake up call maybe. Fed up with my life and seemed to be on a constant treadmill - couldn't talk to H as he would dismiss it as he usually would, didn't want to be intimate with him but did anyway to stop him moaning. Did everything round the house/work etc etc while he swanned around in his bubble.

An encounter with a colleague made me realize I was unhappy - ashamed to tell H I told him I didn't love him anymore and we had grown apart, tried to stay 'friends' while living in same house but couldn't - we argued more as communication stopped totally, I decided to move out with 2 dc's and put house up for sale - his idea as I wanted to stay in house.

Now a few months down the line I'm in my own house with dc's I enjoy it - no stress. I've met someone (ok maybe a little soon) but I enjoy his company, he asked if he could take me away and I saw no wrong I it and we booked hotels etc.

Now H has found out - I know he's angry and upset but I've had no conversation with him since I moved out. He said he was giving me the space I wanted....how was I to know this if he didn't say?!

H text me last night asking if we could sort it all out but I ignored him, I'm not sure I can pick off where we left it and carry on as he hasn't changed - his mothers been doing his laundry and his sisters been cooking his dinners!!

I think I feel sorry for him, I feel in limbo...advice please however brutal?!

FenellaFellorick Thu 16-Jul-15 10:52:06

Do you want to go back into a relationship with him?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Thu 16-Jul-15 10:55:30

I think he's affronted that you dared to move on and be happy, and now wants to put you back in your place. He hasn't changed, you've moved on, why would you go back?

amimadd Thu 16-Jul-15 11:06:33

I thought he might make an effort - make me realize what I'm missing?! But he hasn't done anything, maybe that's shallow of me but I don't think I want to go back to that. Thinking about a reconciliation puts me off!!

FenellaFellorick Thu 16-Jul-15 11:10:37

You don't have to go back to him just because that's what he wants.
It's ok to say no, I am happy where I am, let's just co-parent in a reasonable way.

amimadd Thu 16-Jul-15 11:13:15

Thanks - I always feel pressurized into making a decision and its stressing me out

FluffyPersian Thu 16-Jul-15 11:14:31

Maybe it's the 'I don't really want you, but don't like the idea of anyone else having you'

So he's saying he wants to sort it out, so you won't see anyone else - Problem is, if you do go back to him, chances are he'll revert to how he was before and you'll be as unhappy as you were before.

Feel sorry for him, fine.. but feeling sorry for him is not enough to base a loving relationship on, is it?

You've already made the decision. Don't go back on it!

Anniegetyourgun Thu 16-Jul-15 11:23:40

Putting the house (that you would have liked to keep) on the market would be a pretty clear indicator to most people that it was really over, I'd have thought. And feeling sorry for someone is a lousy reason to stay in a relationship with them. Would he start listening to you and stop pestering you for unwanted sex if you did go back? Seems you have already dismissed the possibility that he would pitch in with any housework!

I won't judge you for the "encounter" that brought things to a head because sometimes this is what it takes to realise your life doesn't have to be crap. The advice here is usually to sort your marriage out one way or the other before starting anything with someone else. Which is what you did.

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