I've been meaning to post about this for a little while - I'm really worried about my relationship.
So, back story is I've been with my DP for over 6 years. After having come out of a largely sexless marriage in it's final years, I was delighted to have found physical compatibility with a lovely man in my mid 40's and was looking forward to a long a happy (sex) life with him.
At the start of this year I was diagnosed with bladder cancer which ended up with me having a complete hysterectomy and shortening of the vagina as part of a major re-plumbing surgery. All through my illness and post op, my DP has been amazing and supportive and I was looking forward to the time when we could be physically intimate again. Sex had been painful the past 12 months (due to the cancer) so our sex life had been suffering. I was particularly gutted about this for both our sakes.
3 months post op & I'm well and cancer free. However, I have pretty much zero sex drive and on the couple of occasions we've tried, he's said it "feels different" and we've stopped. I have been upset by this - not because I blame him in any way, but because I feel like less of a woman than before. I've tried to talk to him about it & he's suggested I just use lots of lube but there's also a hint of him being turned off due to the surgery I've had. I've now lost my confidence. We used to have loads of foreplay & now there's none - I feel like he just doesn't want me anymore.
We've just come back from 2 weeks holiday & neither of us initiated sex - it's become the elephant in the room. I don't know how to start talking to him about this - things used to happen so naturally. I've always been a cuddly sort of person, but in the main his cuddles and physical affection come as part of sex and that closeness. We're not having sex, therefore unless I ask for cuddles, I don't get any. I can't remember the time we last kissed :-(. He's just said it will take time. There is nothing deliberate in his actions - i.e. he's not witholding cuddles because we aren't having sex - it's just the way he is. He has Aspergers and I'm sure this is all as difficult for him as it is for me.
I realise I'm probably sounding a bit sorry for myself - and this is true. I'm gutted that I have no sex drive when I still fancy him like mad, but I'm also sad that the glue which has been so important to us, seems to be coming unstuck. Mentally, I still want sex with him very much.
I'm going to see my gp about hrt to try to help my sex drive - although I am anxious about the side effects and risks. I feel like half a woman at the moment - a bit dead inside. It seems so bloody unfair.
Can anyone help?
Banana
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Relationships
Major surgery and sex life
5 replies
bananamilkshake1 · 15/07/2015 15:39
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