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In laws - not a MIL promise!

(2 Posts)
cookiemonster100 Sun 28-Jun-15 13:13:51

Ages ago we planned to go to a family friendly day out nearby for this weekend with our kids We invited BIL & SIL & their kids. They live over 300 miles away so would require travel. There was a cheap deal going so relatively inexpensive. They agreed & were up for it.

BIL & SIL decided during this time that PIL can bring the kids & join us and they can have a weekend to themselves. Fine by me, my PIL
are awesome & I just about tolerate BIL & his wife.

The plans get changed again as they are now only coming for 1 night as it's too far for the kids to be away from home for a long weekend, so PIL are doing a 600 mile round trip for just 1 night, which I wouldn't do so thinks it is unfair that they should.
Plus they don't see our kids often so it's such a shame it is only for a short period of time.

BIL still hasn't paid me for their share. I have requested it a few times. According to MIL she has been told they are treating the kids so as a result they are paying. I won't take the money of MIL as they are already paying a lot in travel & they are super generous anyway so couldn't take it off them. I have decided I just take the hit but have told DH that I won't organise stuff like this with His brother family going forward. He is in agreement.

However we are both aware that BIL & SIL palm the kids off at the first opportunity and the past 2 years have gone on holiday without the kids, leaving them with grandparents (they neither took their kids away separately). PIL do alot for BIL & his family, but do also enable their crap so we just leave them to it. However I feel sorry for the kids & want to create memories with their cousins.
What's pissing me off is that BIL & wife get away with shit all the time. I could ring them & get the money but it turns into a MASSIVE argument, shit from the past gets dragged up & PIL get dragged into it. Nothing gets resolved & lots of hard feeling. I feel there is nothing I can do about the situation but yet lumbered with it.

A few months ago I fell ill, really poorly. My MIL came down to help for a couple of weeks and was brilliant. BIL & SIL rang every day complaining how hard it was without her there, & really pulling on her heart strings. Then they played the guilt trip on her what that their childcare bill was for those couple of weeks. I have a op due in November, & could do with her help (like I said she is awesome), but I know asking is going to cause a ruckus.
How do I deal with these people?!!! They have a level of control over us all which I hate. And challenging them turns into drama lama.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sun 28-Jun-15 14:44:21

I think what you have to do is live your life. What I mean by that is, if you need your MIL to come and help you out while you have your op (good luck BTW) then ask her, don't not ask because of what your BIL/SIL will do.

The other thing, is to accept that your PILs enable BIL/SIL and just don't get involved with it. If that's how they choose to live their lives then OK, but don't do it yourself. Unfortunately, that should mean asking PILs for the money that you should be getting from BIL/SIL but as you've already said this is the last time you're arranging something like this then letting it slide wouldn't be a big deal.

Basically, what I'm saying is, don't hand over control to them, live your lives how you see fit and if it causes the odd hissy fit, so be it (easier said than done)


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