Letting go of resentment....

[brightnearly]

Is there a technique?!?

I've been full of resentment towards DH for years now...and can't get rid of it, can't see him in a different light.

He did stuff - he offered an explanation (along the lines of 'I was a mess back then, but have completely changed") which I find insufficient; when I bring up the topic he gets very dismissive...

What to do?

[BathtimeFunkster]

You are allowed to be pissed off when someone treats you badly.

You are under no obligation to stop being pissed off, particularly if they make no effort to put things right.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Has he 'completely changed' and has he been an exemplary dh for the past few years?

[DragonsCanHop]

If your feelings haven't been fully ecknowledged it makes it harder to let go of the feeling of resentment mo

[blankblink]

This quote has been around a long time and it and its variations have been attributed to lots of famous people.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"

Techniques for dealing with resentment are many and varied, here are a few to start you off. Try some, experiment, find what works for you.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-therapist-is-in/201103/10-steps-letting-go-resentment
this is similar but worded slightly differently
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-therapist-is-in/201009/find-freedom-in-forgiveness

www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/how-to-let-go-of-a-resentment.html

[SunnyBaudelaire]

Brightnearly I have looked at the middle one, and it looks really useful.
Thank you for posting that link, blankblink

[Lioninthesun]

You are allowed to be pissed off when someone treats you badly.

You are under no obligation to stop being pissed off, particularly if they make no effort to put things right.
^ THIS

If we let everyone walk over us and forget everything we'd be a lemming. Far healthier to have these feelings and know what is right and wrong.

[brightnearly]

Thanks for these answers - and thanks for the links, blank . That's why I'd like to let go - because the only one poisoning herself is me.

Lion - the conundrum is: what if the other person doesn't care?

[ssd]

.
will read these link later

[CakeMountain]

OP, there is such a thing as appropriate anger. To some extent I believe that expressing that anger is good and suppressing it is not.

[ssd]

what about when the anger is expressed and the other person bats you down emotionally, dismisses your hurt?

[CakeMountain]

Ultimately ssd that is their issue and failing - you only need to concentrate on you.

[ssd]

but when they dismiss me it hurts and frustrates me more

their dismissal of me and my feelings really wounds me, it makes me feel small and unworthy.

[ssd]

like I dont matter.

[OnTheEdgeToday]

Then you need to ask yourself if they are really worth anymore of your time and effort?

[OnTheEdgeToday]

Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge. If you cannot find it within yourself to get past this, and he cannot acknowledge your hurt in all of this...then where is this heading? To another 5 years of feeling like this. Is this how you want your life to be?
You need to think of you.
Have you tried couples counselling? - that is if you really want to keep trying.

[CakeMountain]

ssd . Whoever is hurting you doesn't sound very nice.

[ssd]

she's not. thanks