I have been with my partner for 7 years now, I have a child from a previous relationsship. I worked hard to give the best to my dc and have my own house/job/income. I have always known i'm strong and independent and when I met dp i was confident, attractive, fun and happy.
I loved being with dp, he seemed like a perfect match.He was fun and made me feel desirable and so important. this continued for many years. Until we hit an obstacle. I became pregnant. Not from lack of being careful. We were both shocked and knew it wasn't part of the plan. I was totally against abortion. so you can imagine my struggle, wondering how we would cope financially and as a couple, i also felt my dc would suffer and found myself leaning towards just wanting everything to be back to the way it was. V childish I nkow, but it was shock. dp was in denial, understandably, head in sand, but it was his comments of how this would effect his future career prospects, living situation etc. It was all about him. I took this as shock.
he was asking me to terminate, he wanted to be with me but not like this. I struggled for weeks. Eventually i couldn't take the responsibility and i booked an apt. I asked him to come and he said that he couldn't get the day off work at all. I was hurt. but i knew i had to make this decision, ultimately it was me. It was horrific and I'll never forget it. I think i resented dp in many ways after that. He tried then to do everything for me. Relief i'm not sure, he did say he didn't have the balls and that he was ashamed of himself and admired me so much. this somewhat fell on deaf ears for many weeks after as i struggled. I still struggle with that decision, but i have blocked it out somehow. It is almost like a horrible dream and don't quite believe it when i think about it. I'm not sure in myself was i weak to take the easy route or strong to weigh up everything and know it would have been an awful decision.
Roll on another 2 years. i still in the back of my head resented dp. I would bring it up and he would shh me. change the subject. But recently he has become so self absorbed, everything in life is about him. He also works alot now and i feel the resentment creeping back. I suspect he's not as interested in me, only when he needs something. this he will deny completely if i even mention it, he will tell me it's all in my own head. I feel I have put so much into this relationship, i have forgiven so many selfish instances and that i'm almost 'handy'. I feel that someone else is giving him the attention he needs and I don't know why. i do struggle with trust and always have, he reassures me but his words now aren't cutting it.
I feel terrible that we have gone through so much, i feel awful that i was swayed by him to make a decision that if i admit it i regret. So in keeping the relationship going i have felt that it means that it wasn't for nothing.
But i'm not sure i can go on anymore, i do love him, but he's making me realise that he's an utterly selfish man who cares about only himself. this makes me so sad as it isn't how i imagined and wanted it to be. So why can't i just walk away. what is keeping me with this man who is making me feel unhappy and that we have almost lost the love we had for each other.
why can't he ever compliment me, ask about my day, want to help me when i'm stuck and show he cares. he always said i was the one woman who he felt he could be with forever. But my life is passing day by day and i am looking back athe 7 years almost resenting the loss of those years with him. this makes me utterly sad. i don't know what to do. it's on my mind all the time and i don't want to leave, but i'm not completely happy. then i wonder will i ever be happy with anyone.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
regretting
5 replies
downbeatmum · 16/06/2015 23:41
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.