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When to call time

(7 Posts)
Zzzsnatcher Mon 15-Jun-15 17:14:55

My relationship with DP has been suffering since 3 years ago. We have DCs 2 and 3 months old.
We argue everyday. We sleep separately but mainly due to baby and bad sleeping toddler.
We are not affectionate. I get so angry with him inside my head. He treated me badly when I was preg with DC1 and for th first year of DCs life. We had DC2 as a suprise as I wasn't on any contraception as we weren't having sex but we managed it once.
I can't imagine getting back to having sex again with him.
I've realised recently that he's quite anti my liberal opinions and my feminist opinions.
I had counselling and my Councellor encouraged me to stay with him as relationships are hard work.(looking back I think she was unprofessional)
I'm scared of leaving the relationship as I'll miss him. And I'll have 2 DCs on my own.
When do you call time?

hawaiibaby Mon 15-Jun-15 17:27:19

Just checking in from my thread - sorry I have no advice - though our examples are different I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I find myself living in the past a bit - thinking of previous bad times and wondering why I didn't leave. From my little knowledge of counselling (we did some a few years ago), I really thought they weren't meant to advise you either way but I'm sure someone will be along with more knowledge. I hope you find some answers flowers

MagicalHamSandwich Mon 15-Jun-15 17:34:04

I knew it would have to end when he went to Amsterdam(!) with a bunch of mates for a long weekend and I found myself just so happy to have him out of my life that I honestly couldn't have cared what exactly he did there.

Still stayed with him for another two years after that, though.

Knew I finally had to take action and leave when he texted 'I hate my boss almost as much as you hate sex!' Realised that (although it was a supremely shitty thing to say) I really did hate sex with him and that I didn't actually have to have any if I just walked.

MagicalHamSandwich Mon 15-Jun-15 17:35:32

Basically: I called it quits when I was sure I would be happier without him in my life regardless of the inevitable drawbacks.

weedinthepool Mon 15-Jun-15 17:35:53

I have just read this quote from baggage reclaim;

'Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.'

What more is there to say? A relationship shouldn't be such hard work.

AccordingtoMe Mon 15-Jun-15 17:54:11

I think the question to ask yourself is "what am I getting out of this?"

Another one "How does he/she make me feel happy and loved and respected?"

Do you communicate together, respectfully? listen to each other?

I have seen posts on here that say it is a perfectly valid reason to leave a relationship or marriage because you are no longer happy.

Joysmum Mon 15-Jun-15 18:33:09

If you see how things currently are as without hope of changing and this isn't good enough for you, leave sooner rather than later.

All the time people are in hopeless relationships then they are foregoing a chance to find happiness. We only get one life.

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