Hi! Looooooooooong time lurker, first time poster. Mainly been lurking in AIBU for ages as it's always moving fast and makes me feel like the world is still turning out there!
I'm hoping for some help/advice/to be told to pull myself together, or, this is mumsnet, flaming criticism! ;)
Background: Been in a relationship for 5 years, married for 1. We have 1 DS, 5 months old, wonderful child who at the moment is nocturnal. DH has severe depression (he's medicated for it) and social anxiety disorder, and has parents who are intensely controlling and hate me, because I don't toe their line. DH is very needy, requires a LOT of reassurance, several times a day on the weekend and regularly when he's home from work, I get "Have I done anything to upset you? Are we ok? Are you sure I haven't done anything? Can I have a hug? Are you sure you are not cross with me?" which is starting to become exhausting - I'm reassuring a baby all day and then reassuring him! He's being a bit apathetic with DS, he will attempt something like putting him to bed, or go up when he cries and then come down after five minutes and say "can I tag you in? I can't do it, I'm getting frustrated with him" (which he's just done half an hour ago - he microwaved my cup of tea as I came down after shushing DS, DS started yelling and he said that to me!) and I struggle to leave DS to cry - he is grumbling at the moment and DH is determinedly on his PC playing games which suggests he'll wait until the poor kid is screaming or I go up. He seems to just want him when he's happy, or just want him to be quiet so he can sit on his PC and play games. (He waited until the kid was screaming and I gritted my teeth and kept typing)
I loathe living where we are, I want to move, I'm nearly 300 miles away from my family and I have no friends with babies down here, I've lost nearly all my old ones since having DS so I feel lonely; I got DH to drive me to a sling meet today and he hated it and refused to interact with anyone, saying he was too anxious. Which meant I felt I had to stay with him, and it's not that easy to get to mum and baby stuff here (and yes, a bit daunting when you know nobody!) so I felt a bit sad, like it was a wasted opportunity.
DH is my first ever relationship. I've never been in one before. I'm 28. And I guess I'm wondering whether this is the start of the end? When I say I love him, I feel like I'm saying it by rote. We haven't been intimate since DS was conceived (and I know sex isn't everything, and I know his medication gives him a low sex drive, and I know we still have DS in our room. But over a year and no intimacy other than kisses - I feel like I'm living with a friend that I occasionally kiss!), and he's getting on my nerves so much more.
It is me? Am I depressed? Is this hormones? Should I go to the doctor? It's his birthday next month, usually I'd be trying to find him the perfect present, putting a lot of effort into something quirky that he'd love. But I don't really care anymore. I just want him to help me around the house. I'd been looking forward to watching Orange is the New Black with him -before DS we watched the series together. He's not bothered about watching it with me, he's told me he's not in the mood and he's playing on the PC.
I found myself googling divorce. I'm terrified. I don't know how to fix this. If it's me, if I'm depressed, then that can be fixed. Does it sound like it's me? DH had terrible PND, or the dad equivalent, told me DS was a mistake and walked out on me. He came back, but I wonder if there was a grain of truth -not that DS is a mistake, I adore him, he's my wonderful son, I don't regret him in the slightest. But maybe with hindsight, for my DH it was a mistake? Does that make sense?
I feel like I'm rambling. I'm sorry. If anyone has waded through this and has anything to offer - thank you! If nobody has even read it, well. Maybe it being out there will make me feel a little lighter?
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Relationships
Am I falling out of love with my husband?
16 replies
SoSayWeAll · 13/06/2015 22:18
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