DP and I together for one very happy year. Gets on brilliantly with DS 8.
As well as the " rip your shirt off thing" ...we are best freinds and want to slowly build a life and future together. We have done well at supporting each other and " teamwork"
I now have an amicable relationship with my ex (Ds dad) which took some doing ...but 4 years after a terrible marriage ( domestic violence ..... stressed banker husband / unnecessarily bad divorce) it's "as good as it gets" and we talk!!! I am proud of the life I rebuilt for my son and I.
DP is only other man who has come into DS life.... and since he lives partly in Scotland( where his CC are ) he does stay here a lot. Out of respect to my ex I introduced them at Christmas. Ex says Ds clearly likes Dp and has no issue. Was all " perfectly pleasant " and DP has since " done the handover" for me when I was unwell or au pair not around.
This would be an amicable thing we work out ...but since both my ex and Dp and I travel so much for work( DP and I frequently travel together) we all live v close to airports. A move to Scotland would add 30 mins only to our " access" monthly weekend and school holidays visits.
We have planned that in a year or so from now we would like to get engaged. Then DS and I will move to be with him.
Here"s where I need advice. !!!! Please.
DP finalised an extremely acrimonious divorce himself yesterday.
Despite the marriage breaking down long ago and it being nearly 2 years after they agreed to split and he moved out his ex would not agree to a divorce.
All he cared about was having shared custody of his DS 9 DD 7 and DD 5. She said she objected on religious and family moral grounds and he would have to wait until he could force a divorce.
Every time he tried to proceed she threatened to withdraw the shared custody arrangement and move away with his kids. He was terrified of this.
Anyway eventually she conceded after being bribed with an extra financial settlement and so....
We would like to know how best to slowly and sensitively tell his ex about me and introduce myself and my Ds to his Cc.
We have planned some " geographically complex" playdates and a summer holiday ( with other members of his family around to lessen the pressure)
His family are supportive
But the scope for screwing up these vulnerable children worries me. We both feel his ex should be told..... he thinks after a couple of playdates but I think ( female thing ) she should be told before . They are her children and I don't like deceit.
Any advice or shared experiences or reading matter ???would be so grateful.
I feel like a homewrecking potential wicked step queen.
His freinds and family and him have warned me she will paint me as the above./ go bonkers etc .... And also accused a few of his freinds and a babysitter of being child molesters ( behind their backs ) . I know he will support me but that isn't the point.
I don't want animosity. Full stop. I have no desire to "muscle in" on her domain on position.
Thankyou heaps
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Help... scared of being wicked stepmother.
9 replies
chablisfan · 28/04/2015 14:02
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