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Feeling jealous..

7 replies

Applecrumbling · 09/01/2015 09:53

Ok, split with exp of nearly 4 years before Christmas, horrible relationship, controlling etc.. Trying to recover. His ex wife is getting remarried I think shortly as stupidly I looked her up on FB. I know there was DV involved and unfortunately he did the same to me, once. I gave him a chance but I'm so angry with myself. My Exh has moved on. Will I ever get my turn. I'm feeling sorry for myself. Next I'm guessing exp will move on quickly. I really need to move on..

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/01/2015 09:59

Sorry you're unhappy but please keep a sense of proportion if you can. Christmas was only a few short weeks ago and you've gone through four years of trauma. Ideas of 'moving on', especially if the relationship was abusive, are premature. If you've been bullied, controlled and subjected to violence, you will have suffered a lot of damage to your confidence and self-esteem. It's not the time to be thinking about getting into another relationship or wondering when it's your turn. If you want to do something constructive to repair the damage, take comfort in friends and family, take advantage of being an independent woman (rather than seeing it as some kind of failure) and consider something like the Freedom Programme which is aimed at survivors of Domestic Abuse.

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InnocenceAndExperience · 09/01/2015 10:01

It's early days for you. Give yourself some time to process what has happened.

His ex wife has had at least 4 years.

I was livid when my ex- moved on within weeks to a new relationship because he had been so difficult about going and then suddenly he was 'busy' or his kids had to see him with her, and soon after someone else. I've concluded that he simply can't be by himself.

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Applecrumbling · 09/01/2015 10:52

Thank you both. Yes control and emotional abuse. Ea with Exh. Yes you're right ces. Going to enjoy my freedom and build self confidence. Guess it's only by doing that this temporary jealous feeling will subside

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/01/2015 11:21

I'll give you one of my favourite sayings.... 'comparison is the thief of joy'.... in other words, you don't appreciate what you've got if you're constantly checking others haven't got something better. :)

And jealous of what? If these men run true to type, the same crap they dished out to you will be heading the way of their new partners sooner or later. Poor buggers right?... Nothing to be jealous of there....

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Applecrumbling · 09/01/2015 16:25

Yes I'm sure it will happen to another woman. Strangely he admitted he'll keep doing it?! It's his ex wife getting remarried I feel jealous of?! But why? I haven't even met her.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/01/2015 16:36

Maybe because you a lot in common with this woman you have never met? Up until now you've both been on the same square on the snakes and ladders board... Now she's about to go up a ladder and you're still there waiting to throw a six.

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Applecrumbling · 09/01/2015 16:42

Yes that's how I feel.. I hate myself for putting up with it for so long. On the other hand, she did it for 10 years, at least I've got out after 4 and didn't marry him etc