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Separating from H - practical advice please

(3 Posts)
AddictedtoCrunchies Thu 08-Jan-15 16:18:22

My marriage has been wrong for almost four years and, because I wasn't HUGELY unhappy, I just stuck with it. Don't think I was ready or able either emotionally or financially to make the move.

As is usually the case, a minor throwaway comment by him before Christmas was the catalyst for me realising that I'd actually had enough and that I wanted out. (Briefly there has been no intimacy for four years of any sort, he doesn't go anywhere or do anything and complains when I do and is incapable of making any decision or taking any action to benefit our family. However he's a lovely bloke and a great dad so I have no desire to hurt or upset him more than is necessary.) So I told him I'd had enough and I wanted to separate. He was upset and asked me to wait until after Christmas before we discussed it and I agreed.

Now the time has come and I'd appreciate some advice on how to broach and subsequently discuss our situation. For me it's over. Done. We talked several times before bug nothing ever changed. I'm not prepared to give it any more. I have my own house I can move back to (has tenants in at the moment), a good job, company car and emotionally I'm ok. Think I checked out a while ago.

He has a level of debt that will mean he'd have to go back to his parents for a while but in the time we've been together that debt has reduced considerably. I think when we talk he's going to want to discuss our relationship whereas I want to talk about the practicalities. He has agreed though that we do need to separate.

Any tips? I know what I want but I'm just not sure how to go about getting it. Thanks thanks

Joysmum Thu 08-Jan-15 17:41:26

i don't think it'll be as easy as that. Assets are joint assets, assuming you're in UK.

Hope somebody will be along some to help.

something2say Thu 08-Jan-15 17:41:43

I'm sure there will be a big list that comes out of this thread....

Perhaps I could start with these suggestions...

Start thinking about when you want to leave him and what you need to do.
Document the date you split, ie a few days ago I'm guessing? As of then, are you responsible for half of his debts?
Stop doing his cleaning, washing and cooking, you are no longer his partner.
Make yourself a bedroom somewhere and withdraw from sleeping with him,
Start spending more time out or away elsewhere.
Start packing.
When you talk, if he won't understand that the conversation is about splitting, end it and start again another time.
What is your current living situation. Renting? When is the tenancy due?

Good luck. I'd also start a list about my new life. Enjoy!!! X

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