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AIBU to go NC with brother

5 replies

Angleshades · 26/12/2014 22:10

Over the last few months my relationship with my brother has become very strained.

My brother is married but he and his partner have decided to end the marriage but continue living together. His partner has now moved a lover into the house while my brother continues to pay most of the household bills. My brother has said he is fine with this but I'm not so sure. I feel that my brother is attempting to keep his partner in the house at all costs as my brother really can't live without him. I spoke to my brother on the phone about it and told him I was worried about him being taken advantage of. He got really mad and screamed at me the entire phone call. He told me I was just like my dad, homophobic, that I blamed his partner for everything, it was like being back in the 80's...etc he also told me to 'fuck off' so many times. I didn't shout back and tried to just talk to him. Eventually I said I'd call him when he'd had time to calm down and rang off.

My brother has a nasty temper and everyone in the family has always tiptoed around him in case he 'went off on one'. It's always been like this and he has pretty much been allowed to talk however he chooses to the family and no one ever pulled him up on it. I feel I have let him get away with so much in the past. When DM died we split the funeral costs between me, my sister and my brother. Me and my sister paid straight away but my brother dragged his heals for months and I was chased for payment by the funeral directors and threatened with debt collection as the funeral was booked in my name. I've never forgotten how sad that made me feel. When my DM died my brother was on his hols abroad at the time and his partner decided that they were not going to come back early as he wanted my brother to 'enjoy' his holiday!

He never bothers to ask about my DD even though she is only 5 and has just had an operation. Not a card for her birthday or text. He just couldn't give a damn even though she is his only niece. He barely even talks to her when he visits, just to the other adults in the house.

It's just one thing after another with him and now I'm worn out. On Christmas Day he decided to delete me and my sister from his facebook and Twitter account so I guess that's it.

AIBU to want nothing further to do with him as he is so impossible?

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DoubleValiumLattePlease · 26/12/2014 22:13

He sounds like a life-sucking drama queen. Why don't you consider a 6 month non-contact break and see how you feel after that? His life sounds chaotic and it's draining on you too - do you need this shit? I bet you don't!

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Angleshades · 26/12/2014 22:21

DoubleValium I really do not need this shit. He's totally lost it and will not hear a bad word about his (ex)partner. He wants us all to get along fine and continue meeting up as a family together and his (ex)partner wants us to meet the new lover too! Wtf? The whole thing confuses me and I can't go along with it as something just isn't right here. I wouldn't go along with it if my brother was married to another woman so why should it be any different because he is gay? Yet I'm called homophobic for not going along with it.

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DoubleValiumLattePlease · 26/12/2014 22:46

Well - it's my opinion that he's called you that whilst knowing very well that it's not true to floor you and make you shut up and why? Because he doesn't like what you're saying - he doesn't want to hear it. To me those domestic arrangements sound chaotic and unworkable in the long run. It certainly wouldn't be something I'd be happy in and nor would most people I suspect. I'd seriously take a big step back from it all. It's his drama - let him act in it!

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GokTwo · 26/12/2014 22:55

Definitely not unreasonable. I really think ignoring people who behave like this is the only way. They never listen to your advice anyway and think it's ok to shout and scream at people whenever they feel like it. Go NC and don't feel bad about it.

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Angleshades · 26/12/2014 22:56

The only reason I voiced my concern is that we were all going to be having Christmas together and if his (ex)partner kept talking about the new lover I wouldn't have been able to laugh along and pretend that everything was ok while my brother stared into his drink. I'm totally uncomfortable with it though I respect my brother has the right to do as he pleases, I just don't wish to be a part of it or expected to smile and say how wonderful and great this arrangement is.

You're right though he doesn't want to hear anything that is not supportive of this crazy situation. I cannot see how it will end in anything but tears.

Definitely taking a step back now. I know my brother will never apologise for speaking to me so rudely, he never does. That's the last time I have to listen to such abuse.