I had a row with my dad the other day.
He told DD(4) 'that's a nice dress'; DS(2.10 and a stickler for accuracy!) said 'that's not a dress, that's a skirt'. My dad said 'Oh, well, I wouldn't know that Do you know why I wouldn't know? Because I'm a man and men don't know about clothes'.
I said I'd prefer it if he didn't teach the kids sweeping gender generalisations like that and he got hugely offended, telling me that it's not a generalisation, it's true (which it isn't for all men!); that men and women are different no matter what I say (I never claimed that they weren't!); that he wasn't trying to 'teach' them anything (but they learn every time we open our mouths, whether we want them to or not!); and that he can say what he likes to them as he's entitled to his own opinion. His body language, expression and tone were really very unpleasant and nasty; DD actually snuggled into me for reassurance - he wasn't aggressive or anything, just used a horrible high pitched tone and held his hands up and rolled his eyes and generally seemed to be implying that I was some sort of mad rabid feminist and should get over myself. Oddly enough I've seen him like that maybe two or three times before with me or my sister but never in front of my mother.
I've seen him 3 times since and he hasn't acknowledged me at all, which is awkward as hell in front of the kids, and I'm worried because my parents are coming here on christmas day and I don't want to have to tiptoe around him all day.
Am I being silly about what he said? I know it's probably very trivial but I feel very strongly that I don't want my dad's idea of gender roles becoming part of my kids' world view. He has made other comments before about what men supposedly do and don't do, and has objected to DS's hair being too long (it's never even come close to being 'girly' length, just a bit shaggy), or to him coming home from creche with nail varnish on. He's always trying to not let me lift things as well - I'm 5'8'', enormous and well capable of carrying heavy shopping or whatever, but he honestly thinks that women can't lift things so tries to stop me. It always makes me feel like a failure, that I should be little and dainty and helpless and instead I'm a big hulking independent lump.
I just want my kids to feel free to be who they actually are, without feeling that they're failing to live up to 50s stereotypes. And I want them to understand that everybody is different and that that's okay.
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Managing different attitudes between generations?
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ChristmasPuddin · 23/12/2014 18:31
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