Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

feel defeated

(12 Posts)
HelpMeGetOutOfHere Mon 22-Dec-14 13:52:53

I feel like going to bed and just staying there until its all over.

Usual Christmas trials and tribulations. Supposed to be one year at my parents and one year at home, this year is home, and have h probably quite rightly digging in his heels about not going to my parents until after dinner, but my mum moaning that she won't see the dc and won't be able to give them their presents as too many people about. She wants us to drive to them and open presents then go home and prepare our dinner. The reason for wanting Christmas at home I our dc (17, 12 &8) are late wakers and we always feel so rushed going to my parents its like up rip open presents and then get dressed and go to nanny and granddads, no you can't look at what you've got we haven't got time. then same there rip open presents and hide them in the car before other guests get there and pass judgement on how much the dc have got.

we want to just get up in own time, open presents have a nice breakfast, perhaps gp's come over with the dc presents, then prepare lunch and a nice walk before going to visit gp's and other endless relatives who we never see in between. I don't think its too much to ask, but apparently I'm ruining my mums Christmas.

I transferred some money from one bank to another and now its in limbo, I didn't 'need' it but had plans for it and didn't want to go to town on Christmas eve. I can not go, as have everything I initially planned on buying and a few bits extra, but had some extra money and wanted to buy something nice.

I often find myself wondering if I love H or if I'm just sticking it out as the flip side separating and being on my own is scary. Arguments between him and ds1, and im expected to side with one of them, when they are both being arses.

Then to top it off ds1 (17) has had his college report and hes failing. His attendance is unacceptable and hes obviously been lying to us about going to college. He doesn't have a job, but has today been constantly going on about an iphone 6 and on a contract and its only £48 month! He Chose his college course and is in the second year of it. We had problems at the beginning of this year and I thought we had resolved them, not handing in or completing assignments etc.

ds2 (almost 13) well what can I say gone from a loving caring, delightful boy to a horrible angry mess. Constantly shouting at his 8yr old sister, slamming doors and being awful. Losing money, not reading messages or answering his phone, just not turning up after school and then coming home and oh I forgot to text to say I was at x's house.

I don't want to be a grown up anymore, I just want to go and sleep until its all over.

No replies expected just wanted to rant and get it all own. Iknow I am lucky in many many ways, just feeling sorry for myself.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 Mon 22-Dec-14 14:08:18

Stand your ground with your mother( mine is the same) or she will get worse, it is your Christmas Day at she is still going to see you all.
Your 13 year old seems normal, I also have one of those!
Your 17 year old and college...leave this until after the festivities and on first day of term arrange an appointment with pastoral care/tutor Tell him if he wants an iPhone 6 he can get a job in the summer holidays and buy himself one.
Not very good on the relationship one...mine is probably heading for divorce.
Do you have time to yourself? You need some space, make sure you get time away from them all on a regular basis in the New year.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Mon 22-Dec-14 14:14:15

thank you for replying NK

sat here at work on the verge of tears and feeling very stupid.

I realise ds2 is probably normal and I know ds1 was much worse, just comes as a shock as ds2 is/was so different to ds1 that I somehow thought teens years might be easier with him.

I do usually go to the gym or for a run but haven't had time as as per usual its me doing everything for Christmas, hence my increased feelings of resentment to H. Fed up of having to spoon feed him everything, and yes I've tried not doing the things that I want him to do, but all that happens is they remain undone.

CogitOIOIO Mon 22-Dec-14 14:14:29

Sorry you're having a tough time. Yes, you're a grown up and that comes with lot of responsibility, but you're also entitled to do your own thing and you have the right to say 'no'. Say no to Mum about Christmas and ignore the whining. Say no to the DCs about lavish phones (and give fewer gifts if there are so many parcels you're hiding them in cars perhaps). Give the college drop out the news that he'd better start looking for a job pronto. Say whatever needs saying to DH..... etc

Life's no fun when you put everyone else above you in the pecking order. Quick route to depression in fact.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Mon 22-Dec-14 16:53:56

Thank you cogit.

I'm sure I'm not alone in my feelings at this time of the year. I definitely need to make time for myself. I have a nail appointment tomorrow and have had a conversation with ds1 just now.

Hopefully this time tomorrow when I've finished work for a week and
It's too late to get anything else and I can relax and hopefully start to enjoy christmas. Then take a long hard look at myself and relationship in the new year.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Mon 22-Dec-14 16:54:53

I have had depression in the past. Ante and post natal and 'normal' depression. It's not nice and I need the self care to stop me heading back there again.

MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat Mon 22-Dec-14 17:05:15

That extra money you are looking to spend on someone? I have a suggestion...spend it on yourself. Doesn't have to be today or tomorrow. Just earmark it as to go on something nice for you.

Others have given good advice on all the rest. Could you not visit your mum on Boxing Day? All this emphasis on having to see everyone on one day of the year is mad. Just tell het it's too much and you will be able to spend more time enjoying each other's company <hollow laugh> on 26th.

Good luck.xx

bobs123 Mon 22-Dec-14 17:08:57

Christmas can be a rubbish time of year at times, You've had some good advice on here (NK....) It's good that you recognise the possible signs of depression and can hopefully do something to pre-empt it.

Could you marshall your family into order and get them to help with anything that needs doing - at least tidying their rooms etc. Perhaps a treat after?

Make a list of all the good things in your life? EG - the DCs gp are still around

Then another of all the things that need actioning?

Get yourself to the gym - do something for yourself!!!

Take DD for a hot chocolate at a local pub

I think it's the lack of control that makes you feel down.

Do something that will make you smile fsmile

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Mon 22-Dec-14 20:32:52

Well picked dd up from my mums as she was looking after her today. She started on at me again and I was trying to explain but burst into tears about the ds1 situation and said I couldn't deal with the pressure.

I enjoy going to see my parents and extended family on Christmas Day afternoon. So do the dc. So that in itself isn't an issue. It's the present situation. I've told her many a time to buy one present. Something the dc really want. Ds2 would love one of the new hp streams but apparently one present is poor show! My mum is big into Christmas it's always been a big event in our house. I think stemming from a pretty shit childhood but it's never discussed.

Have decided money is better value in the sales and it's a sign to spend it then grin

Thank you everyone. flowerscake

Vivacia Mon 22-Dec-14 20:49:09

I hope your mum was sympathetic when you crumbled. Poor thing, I want to give you a hug.

Deserttrek Mon 22-Dec-14 21:04:23

^Dear Santa family

I feel like going to bed and.....^

Well you might want to tone down the "separating and being on my own is scary" bit. But I wonder what would happen if you pinned your post to the fireplace tonight and left it out. fsmile

Anyway, sounds like you are carrying around so many rocks in that big sack on your back. Need to unload them. And my goodness what an itinerary for Christmas Day. Too much.

Good luck, and its great to rant. And do something for yourself and get them to do something for you.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Mon 22-Dec-14 22:22:57

Nest of vipers my arse. You're all making me cry in a good way.

For my mum she was sympathetic yes.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now