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Conflict with brother

(20 Posts)
hahahaha Mon 15-Dec-14 15:53:36

This is my first post but I have been reading the threads on here for 4 years. I need to get some perspective on this from someone who is not part of my dysfunctional family.

About six weeks ago my brother was sent a bank statement to my house. I was suspicious and angry. He has never lived here and there is no reason for the bank to think he does. When I asked him about it he said that he had no idea how it happened and he would sort it. He was off hand and said I could always return it to sender. I have got a lot on at the moment and I let it lie.

Then another statement arrived. Today a medical card arrived. I, by text, asked him to stop using my address fraudulently. I said that I felt he was taking advantage of me. The only possible explanation I can see is that he is committing some sort of credit fraud invovling my address.

He denies this says that I obviuosly don't want him in my life if I can think that of him so he won't be seeing me again. I don't have contact with either of my parents due to an abusive childhood. I don't want to lose my brother but can't see any other explanation and he isn't offering one. Was I too quick to judge?

Windywenceslas Mon 15-Dec-14 16:02:47

Return everything to sender stating clearly that he has never lived at your address. Call 101 for advice.

I had a friend who this happened to and ended up with all sorts of unpaid debt associated with her address and she struggled to get credit after that.

hahahaha Mon 15-Dec-14 16:10:34

Thanks for the reply. I know I should invovle the police.. I'm hurt and confused that he would lie to me and blame me. I was hoping I might be wrong...

Joysmum Mon 15-Dec-14 16:12:12

Oh and do a credit search on your property

VitalStollenFix Mon 15-Dec-14 16:13:00

Check your credit file.

You can have a note put on it I think.

Don't give him anything that comes to your house with his name on it. Send it all back 'unknown at this address'

Windywenceslas Mon 15-Dec-14 16:20:08

At this stage you don't need to report him if you don't want to, but the police will be able to advise you on a no names basis I'm sure.

You don't need to discuss returning post to your brother, he didn't discuss it when he started using your address, but make it clear to the senders that he's never lived at your address. If you simply say "not known at this address" they'll assume he did once.

quietlysuggests Mon 15-Dec-14 16:32:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonstrousRatbag Mon 15-Dec-14 16:37:14

I think I'm right in saying debts are not linked to addresses any more, precisely because it was penalising unconnected people who didn't even know their addresses were being misused. So while it is very annoying I don't think it will actively do you harm.

Windywenceslas Mon 15-Dec-14 16:39:27

But he did it without asking. That's not normal. Why wouldn't he discuss this with her first?

I'm not suggesting she reports him, I'm suggesting she seeks legal advice from the police about where she stands in case she's landed with a heap of bad debt associated with her address. Like I said, it happened to a friend of mine and she struggled to unravel the situation.

hahahaha Mon 15-Dec-14 16:59:09

I was asking if there could possibly be another explanation for this.

He hasn t asked me if he can use my address or given me an answer as to why. I haven t contacted the police and i don't want to, but i'm saving for a mortgage and don't want to be linked to bad credit.

I ve just checked my credit file and it seems how I expected so that's good. Hopefully it's right addresses aren't linked to debts.

I posted in relatonships because I'm upset that because I asked for an explanation he said he would have no more to do with me. I don't want to fall out with my brother.

Bluegill Mon 15-Dec-14 17:03:21

My ex's criminal father used our old address to run up thousands of pounds worth Of credit card debts. I was still friends with my old landlord who decided not to pursue it. The ex's father denied it of course. I would be livid.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 15-Dec-14 17:07:40

Your only mistake here originally was to let this lie at all.

He had no right whatsoever to use your address for such purposes. He has used your address for a reason; perhaps because his own credit rating at his address is itself trashed.

TBH if your brother is prepared to be this duplicitous then you are better off without him in your life at all. Someone who is prepared to cut his sister off for daring to challenge him on this (and he certainly would have asked you what you were doing at had the positions been reversed) is actually not worth knowing.

Windywenceslas Mon 15-Dec-14 17:18:00

Monstrousratbag, you might be right on that, my friend's situation was some time ago.

OP, if he won't give an explanation and has fallen out with you for asking for one, I think for your own benefit I would assume the worst for now and seek advice from the police and CAB.

hahahaha Mon 15-Dec-14 17:20:15

I was going to invite him for Christmas dinner.

I don't think it's an over reaction to ask what he's doing.

I was worried that I had got it wrong and jumped to the wrong conclusion when there was a genuine mistake/ explanation. There isn't one. I'm sad that as soon as I show the slightest bit of assertiveness I lose another family member.

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Mon 15-Dec-14 17:24:36

My DM did this to my Dsis (her DD) and her own DSis (my auntie). It was attempted fraud.

The fact that he didn't ask, got stroppy with you about it, didn't correct the mistake and has past form for being a twat, looks like dodgy dealings with no regard for your well-being.

When my DM did this she was building up proof of address so that she could apply for credit.

To open the bank account in the first place, your 'D'Bro must have provided some form of proof of address for your house. Do you have any idea what that would be?

If you don't want to go straight to the police, go to the bank instead and the people who issued the medical card. Keep the letters do not give anything to him, go into a branch and tell them you have been receiving statements for someone who doesn't live at your address. They will be very very interested in sorting it out as quickly as possible.

The bank will NOT want to be defrauded themselves or to get a kicking from the regulator.

Have you considered doing the Freedom programme?

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Mon 15-Dec-14 17:28:01

No! at the slightest bit of assertiveness you lose an abuser.

It is sad that you have abusive family members.

You didn't choose them. It is not your fault. An accident of birth doesn't mean you have to be resigned to a lifetime of abuse.

hahahaha Mon 15-Dec-14 18:15:21

I ve heard about the freedom program on here and it is something I could try. Unsurprisingly this isn't the only difficult relationship in my life. I'm a lot better than I used to be smile

Thanks for the advice. I wasn't wrong to be suspicious, I wasn't wrong to ask. Now I've just got to protect myself and recognise that I would rather take the blame than stand up for myself.

I ll start the online freedom program asap- Thanks

BMW6 Mon 15-Dec-14 18:55:41

*Plenty of people do this.
Plenty of people see this as normal enough

Not many of them post on MN though

Not anyone I know would either fall out with a sibling, or ring the police in this situation.

just saying, perhaps your reaction is extreme to many.*

Utter Bollocks.
I suggest that the "plenty of people" this poster knows who would do this and regard it as normal are also fraudsters.......

BMW6 Mon 15-Dec-14 18:56:20

Grr- bold fail

Joysmum Mon 15-Dec-14 19:14:54

Theres a difference between having a correspondence address with permission and doing it without seeking permission and continuing to do so when challenged.

But weird that's not obvious?

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