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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I am right to dump?

27 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 20:03

On off boyfriend for a few months. Phoned tonight to talk about some issues and he hung up on me. I think he is either:

A) married
B) massively disrespectful.
C) both.
D) His phone ran out of batteries/ reception.

I've dumped him. Final straw. He has always used the no reception excuse as a reason not to call me. I don't care anymore. I'm relieved. I was moving on and then he got back in contact. I was silly enough to reengage.

Thing is, every time he gets back to me I get the tingles. Not any more.

OP posts:

Report

ruddygreattiger · 13/12/2014 20:15

Yep, he sounds like a complete waste of your time. Now delete/block his mobile, email, fb etc and move on to bigger, better things- simples!

Pastmyduedate0208 · 13/12/2014 20:15

yeah just block his number now and move on if it's not working for u.

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 13/12/2014 20:22

He sounds like a turd

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 20:23

And the thing is I wasn't nagging or shouting. Just talking normally. I must be bloody boring!

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Walkacrossthesand · 13/12/2014 20:48

Tricky, because if the signal genuinely failed and dropped the call, one of you has to decide to call back! But then I guess if neither of you really want to, that's a good point to end the relationship....

Walkacrossthesand · 13/12/2014 20:48

Does he know he is dumped, yet?

moomoo1967 · 13/12/2014 20:51

It annoys the hell out of me when someone just hangs up on me but if it is a regular thing then that would make me rethink

FelicityGubbins · 13/12/2014 21:01

Herpes gives you tingles too, you wouldn't hanker for it...

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 21:11

I just felt the sudden hanging up and no calls back was very suspicious.

OP posts:

forumdonkey · 13/12/2014 21:33

Why do you think he could be married? Have you ever been to his?

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 21:36

Nope. It's complex. This follows a longish deployment. His grandad has just died but yet again he failed to communicate this to me just like he fails to communicate anything else.
My mum died three years ago but I never hung ultra on my bf at the time ( even though he was being a dick.) I said I really need to know this stuff as I really WANT to support him through the hard times. But he won't let me in. X

OP posts:

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 21:37

Hung up sorry!

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superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 21:41

Thing is... During the deployment he often couldn't keep in contact due to " reception issues."

So he gets back from deployment and I ask him to call me. He says he can't as he's just got into bed and the reception is bad.... aaaaaaggggrrrr!

So we haven't spoke n in two months due to bad reception and he gets back home and he can't call either due to bad reception.... Aaaaaaaaggggggrrrr!

I'm afraid the excuse is wearing A BIT THIN.

OP posts:

happyandsingle · 13/12/2014 22:32

It's clear he's just not that into you. If you miss someone you would go out of your way to make contact with them. If you didn't contact him at all do you think he would make any effort to get in touch?

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 22:41

He does get in touch but then he buggers off again. I know he's not that into me. I was just moving on when he texts me with " hello gorgeous...did you miss me? ."
He often goes to Iraq etc so can't get in touch.

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/12/2014 22:44

And your response should have been 'who is this?'

FreudianGymSlip · 13/12/2014 22:45

Block him this time. Job done.

happyandsingle · 13/12/2014 22:47

He sounds like he just likes to mess with your head. I've had similar with an ex of mine.....gets in touch,then when I respond he messes me around. Just as I move on he pops up with another how are you text but I can say that his last text I never responded to and deleted his number.
That's what you need to do. Just delete,block and move on. A man like this will never make you feel secure in a relationship.

superstarheartbreaker · 13/12/2014 23:02

He admitted that he was messing me around tbh. I think he has a woman. Will delete and move in.

OP posts:

FolkGirl · 14/12/2014 07:26

And you responded to, "hello gorgeous... did you miss me?"

There is nothing wrong with his reception. There is terrible reception in my house - mobiles will cut out after some intermittent breaking up; I rarely make calls on my mobile from the house. But the garden is fine... Unless he lives in the middle of nowhere, he can move 12 feet away and have it make all the difference. He just doesn't give a shit. You are not his on/off girlfriend, you're the woman who he can guarantee a shag from because you'll buy any lame excuse he gives you. And you respond so positively to even the flimsiest of input from him.

Superstarheartbreaker, I've said before on here that you need to spend some time single and working on those boundaries. Until you do, these things are going to keep on happening.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that what I have said is that I have the sense of you ricocheting wildly from one man/relationship to another...

Stop.

Take a deep breath.

Stop looking at/for men.

Spend some time on your own.

When I was OD last year, I went on 2 dates with a man who crossed a few boundaries and then bombarded me with texts telling me how much he liked me. Then I got a Merry Christmas message from him. Then this summer, about 7 months after I'd last heard anything, he texted me out of the blue to ask how I was and to tell me that he'd been thinking about me and it would be great to hear from me. I just ignored him. Every time. You need to do the same. These men just throw out several lines at once and wait to see who is hooked. How many recipients do you think there were of the "hello gorgeous... did you miss me?" text?

superstarheartbreaker · 14/12/2014 08:57

He hot back in touch by saying " I'm back from deployment." Whatever, you are right and I'm having some single time.

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PamDooveOrangeJoof · 14/12/2014 10:22

Is this the super secret bomb disposal bloke who everyone said was married ages ago?

What Folk Girl said. Be single and work on your self esteem and think about why you settle for scraps of attention from men who are so obviously lying/awful/attached.

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dreamingofblueskies · 14/12/2014 10:27

When my husband is away on deployment he gets a free satellite phone call every week, 20 minutes I think? (It's been 4 years since he went away so
I can't remember exactly) They also get free letters to send home, so being on deployment is no excuse for no contact.

superstarheartbreaker · 14/12/2014 15:53

Unfortunately it is the bomb disposal guy. I believe he was a bomb disposal guy as I have seen footage of his work. However, nothing else added up.
I was just beginning to forget him when I got a message saying he's back.

We arranged to meet up today but by Friday I still hadn't heard from him. Before he normally booked a table. I went out and was so annoyed that even though he was back he STILL couldn't be arsed to call because of " reception."

He apologised and said his grandad had died the say before so he couldn't get back to me. If I was considered to be a girlfriend surely I would be one of the first people he'd tell about his grandad. I just felt line an afterthought.

I gave my dad my phone last night so I wouldn't text but I did call from my landline to wrap things up . We were talking very rationally when the phone went dead.
He didn't call back.

I left him an email saying he was either married or and disresepectful so we should leave it.

I got a very terse text this morning saying he was " absolutely seething" that I accused him of cheating ( especially as his grandad had just died) and there was no chance of a relationship if I don't trust him.

He also said that all his relationships fail due to his deployments.

He's right but now I feel like a shit for giving him grief when he us bereaved ( but the nagging doubt in my head thinks that this is all bulkshit and he is " absolulutely seething" as he had been found out.)

Anyway, yes I am a knob for putting up with it for so long but the sex was great and I'm still a bit low so maybe it was a case of some attention is better than nothing.

I tend to go a bit mental when involved with men and turn v insecure. I get happy on my own then a friend will throw in a wierd comment about me STILL being single and I start to feel like I should pull. Then the whole sorry thing starts again.

So a man free Christmas for me and a new year/ new start.

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superstarheartbreaker · 14/12/2014 15:55

The thing that made me laugh is that whilst on deployment his excuse was no signal and back at home he has no signal either!

Guess why the phone went dead? No signal apparently! Aggggggrrr!!!!

OP posts:

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