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Living together while seperated

(9 Posts)
1moreRep Fri 05-Dec-14 20:01:59

ex DP and I are living together until the house is sold - we have 2 dc and it is really hard. He wants to stay together and I don't- any tips? DC are under 5 so were not telling them until the house is on the market- which I am assured will happen this month

I just want to run away [sad} - no abuse but he is pleading and heartbroken and I am hartless and have fallen out of love with him

1moreRep Fri 05-Dec-14 20:03:24

any tips?

dratsea Sat 06-Dec-14 08:14:09

Sad, no tips, flowers to both of you and hugs to children when they find out.

ninetynineonehundred Sat 06-Dec-14 10:06:14

Hi op, no tips I'm afraid but wanted to let you know that I'm in an almost identical position and you have my sympathy.
Is it amicable?

Charley50 Sat 06-Dec-14 11:19:16

Why don't you love him anymore?

GenevievePettigrew Sat 06-Dec-14 11:36:47

Hi OP - H and I have been living under the same roof since we separated in August. We have finally agreed our financial stuff and he will move out probably late January. Some of the negotiation has been quite bitter but we've done it all through lawyers which has meant that at home we've been able to remain fairly amicable. We have DD4 who knows we are in separate rooms but we aren't going to tell her more detail until things change - ie H has a date to move out and we can tell her details about when she will stay with him etc.

While you are under the same roof, try very hard not to engage with him on anything to do with your relationship - especially while the kids are around.

I am the same as you - no cheating or abuse; it's just run its course. Fortunately for me he hasn't fought it.

I wish you the very best of luck; a quick settlement and a happy life! My lawyer told me the other day when I signed the consent orders that he was very.excited for my future - which is pretty cool.

1moreRep Sat 06-Dec-14 13:19:00

YEs it is amicable - but he is prone to stonewalling which he has been flipping between that and the pick me dance so its very hard to stay neutral and not get frustrated.

I don't love him any more for loads of reasons. We had our dd1 early- shock pregnancy - on the pill and I was working all over the uk seeing him at weekends- then I took a career break and we had dd2 2 years later, dd2 came along and I grieved for work- have a high adrenalin role and it defines who I am almost as much as being a parent does. DD2's arrival bought on dp's depression (which I supported him through and subsequent career change)- I just stopped relying on him, put up with his moods and would not confront him pn some of his behaviour- to keep the peace. I got back to work and my father died- he was no support. I talked through my feelings with councillor at the time (he refused to come with me) and the councillor told me that I needed to listen to my feelings (I didnt want him to touch me or be in the same room as him ) that I didn't want to be with him anymore- so I tried my best to make it work for 1 year and I just cant live a lie anymore. So I moved in to the spare room and told him. he is v apologetic for his shite behaviour and begged for another chance but its gone, I have nothing left to give.

Its awful but he is a very good father- just found out he cant afford to buy me out and we will have to sell the house which he is devastated about

wasbumpers Mon 08-Dec-14 00:25:53

Watching with interest as me and my DH have agreed to separate and are still living together. It's so so hard.

1moreRep Mon 08-Dec-14 18:52:48

wasbumpers Hello! I find the evenings the worst- when he is actually at home and not working (we both work shifts so luckily this isn't too often.) I have just volunteered for a load of xmas evening overtime to stash cash and avoid the silence/ uncomfy conversation. although what's worse is when you find yourselves having a laugh and getting on and see the hope if your partners eye- that guilt is horrid as I am sure it is the same for him

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