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My mum has become racist/angry. How to handle?

(15 Posts)
KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard Wed 03-Dec-14 20:09:09

She's been getting odder over the last few years.

Not old, late 50s. But is ill and on a variety of medication.

She's started getting het up about silly things. Disabled parking, for example. She has a blue badge (but before this used my grandmothers as her own). She now watches other people and 'judges' whether or not they're disabled enough to warrant a badge and makes comments. Doesn't give a shite whether or not people can hear.

Recently got quite irritated by two girls in the disabled bit at Tesco and had a bit of a rant. Only shut yup when I pointed out they were walking to an exit and didn't even have a car... hmm

She's said a few hideous, tactless and frankly ridiculous things about gay people which makes me pretty uncomfortable.

She also appears to be racist. Often comments on immigration and asks why *** are 'here'. Again, this can be said loudly in supermarkets and stuff. (I know far too little about immigration to have an opinion on it. But I do like the variety in foods culture and kind of feel like 'the more the merrier'.)

I don't get it. Why is she suddenly like this? She never used to give a shit about such things.

It's making me not want to hang out with her. And I'm getting more and more reluctant to leave DS with her. She's ruined a nice evening tonight by asking why a certain nationality are 'here'.

It's tact. She has no tact. I know we all think bullshit things (I have negative thoughts towards dogs) but we keep our gobs shut, right?

Where did her tact go? And how do I deal with it.

I'm also worried she's going to get punched or something.

What to do?

Unexpected Wed 03-Dec-14 20:30:26

Could this be related to her medication? Does she accept that her character has changed? Could this also be the start of some additional health problems?

CogitOIOIO Wed 03-Dec-14 20:33:08

I'd suggest, if you can, you make sure she gets a mental health wellness check from her GP. I'm suggesting that because I have a family member with what we think is Alzheimers and some of the main symptoms are irrational anger and paranoia. Looking back, the behaviour is an exaggeration of her normal suspicion.

UncrushedParsley Wed 03-Dec-14 20:33:23

I'm wondering if she is a bit depressed? Does she live on her own? Maybe being lonely doesn't help, if that's a possiblity. Don't have any useful advice sorry...

sonjadog Wed 03-Dec-14 20:36:03

I also suggest getting her health checked. Could be an early sign of

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard Wed 03-Dec-14 20:43:06

She lives with my dad (who's the least racist/homophobic/classist/angry person you'd ever meet).

I was thinking Alzheimer's but I work with Alzheimer's patients and something's not 'clicking' for me.

I just thin her personality has changed. I don't know how to deal with it.

pastaofplenty Wed 03-Dec-14 21:09:20

Hi OP - awkward question here - but is she receiving medication for any cancer treatment? I ask because my DF had cancer and his personality altered radically not because of the medication as such, but because the cancer had spread to his brain. Didn't know this for a few weeks before scans revealed this was what was causing his personality change.

Alternatively some older folk do get a "don't give a fuck" attitude especially if they are bored, passive-aggressive or have hidden unresolved issued (talking from limited experience here - so not wanting to make a sweeping generalisation)

mummytime Wed 03-Dec-14 21:12:00

It could be any change in her brain - she does need to be checked. I thought Alzheinmers, mini-strokes, or even tumour. Unless she's had a head injury recently? Or maybe an infection etc.?
I really would push for her to go to see her GP and try to get a word in first, that you have noticed a change in her personality.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard Wed 03-Dec-14 21:14:49

No, not cancer.

Boredom, passive aggressiveness and unresolved issues are more likely.

She's often said what she's wanted. Been very cruel to me in the past about weight/marriage issues yet thinks it's fine to say spiteful things because 'she doesn't mean it'.

I've put my foot down about that now so it's possible she's just venting elsewhere.

Hadn't occurred to me.

simontowers2 Wed 03-Dec-14 21:18:35

Similar scenario with me OP. Mine want from a laid back liberal lefty when in her 20s and 30s to a daily mail reading, slightly racist curtain twitcher from mid 50s onwards. I think it's just an age thing.

fridayfreedom Wed 03-Dec-14 21:19:25

Could be a symptom of frontal temporal dementia? Can cause changes in behaviour.

Hatespiders Wed 03-Dec-14 21:29:27

Early-onset dementia often starts as a change in personality and difficult behaviour. I reckon she should be checked by her GP. Would she agree to this do you think? I do hope it's just the medication, as presumably it can be adjusted accordingly.

Matildathecat Wed 03-Dec-14 22:02:27

Sorry if I'm off the mark, but could she be attention seeking? My FIL who is old and ill and gets loads of input and attention from us all, likes to be the centre of attention at all times and as soon as he feels remotely left out makes awful remarks.

We have done the defence thing over and over but in reality the best thing is to ignore him. If your mum publicly insults someone, I would walk away. Completely refuse to engage or become involved.

I, incidentally am disabled and hope for her sake she never confronts me.grin

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 03-Dec-14 22:04:14

Late 50s is old?

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 03-Dec-14 22:05:01

Sorry. You said not old.

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