Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH Best friend dilemma?

(15 Posts)
fridge390 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:20:32

DH confided in me last night that his BF is meeting a friend of mine for coffee.

His BF is married to my very good friend.

Apparently he meets her occasionally for coffee but he has told DH yesterday that he loves her (like a friend???) and he has the very serious hots for her.

He said he would never leave his wife (my friend) because he would never do that to her and would no way leave the children.

I know a few years ago they went through a very tough time and nearly split up but they seem OK these days. She seems quite happy now and knows he meets this other friend sometimes for coffee but 100% sure she doesn't know that he fancies her.

Both of these women know each other though me but are not friends with each other if that makes sense.

It has been going on for years according to DH who knew that his BF fancied her (for years seems all the boys knew he liked her ALOT) but didn't know until yesterday he has been meeting her for coffee for past 3 years.

DH told him to "be careful" whatever that means should he speak to him about it again?

Feel so bad for my friend should i say anything? How will this all pan out?

Tobyjugg Sun 16-Nov-14 16:28:15

I would say that DH told you for the same reason I would have told my DW - so he covered in case the shit hits the fan. As for what does "be careful" mean, well what it would to me is that if he turns this into a full on affair and his marriage goes under well, you were warned, so don't come running to me for help.

Sounds to me like your DH is trying to put as much distance as he can between himself and the probable explosion and I don't blame him one little bit.

As for what you should do, sorry I have no idea.

FelicityGubbins Sun 16-Nov-14 16:30:59

If it were me I would tell "coffee woman" that she is playing with fire, not least because her "coffee companion" is married to a very good friend of mine, but that no one has sympathy/ anything nice to say for the bit on the side when the shit hits the marital fan..

Tobyjugg Sun 16-Nov-14 16:31:15

If I didn't make it clear, I'm answering your point should DH talk to him again about it? No, he shouldn't is my advice.

Jackie0 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:31:28

Do nothing, absolutely nothing.

Optimist1 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:35:57

But, Felicity, we don't know that "coffee woman" is doing anything other than having coffee, do we? OP makes no mention that "coffee companion"'s lustful thoughts are reciprocated!

FelicityGubbins Sun 16-Nov-14 16:43:17

Which is why I said I would warn her that she is playing with fire, not that I would get her on the phone calling her a slag! At the end of the day it might be innocent on her side, but the op now knows it's not on his, so "coffee friend" is actually now in an unpleasant situation, as is the op for being put in the middle.of this blokes behaviour.

fridge390 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:46:00

well I got the impression from DH that although he always knew for years that his friend liked this woman he was bit shocked to find out they meet up. His friend said he liked her a lot and loved her a lot and would be with her if it wasn't for the kids but that he won't leave his wife and do that to the kids???? I got the impression it was reciprocated but he is saying they only meet for coffee no affair and even that is occasionally. Don't think they have regular contact. Although you don't know. "coffee woman' is also very nice I am v shocked TBH.

fridge390 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:48:21

I have also met DH best friend for coffee thinking about it - but it was to talk about a project as he can be really helpful for stuff like that maybe DH got the wrong end of the stick.

FelicityGubbins Sun 16-Nov-14 16:55:13

Phone coffee friend up and ask?!

fridge390 Sun 16-Nov-14 16:59:39

I thought of that but I don't know her that well that she would confide in me plus DH will go mad if he found out i'd said anything because then his friend will know he has told me.

fridge390 Sun 16-Nov-14 17:00:57

Do men really just stay with their wife's for the children - I don't think so plus he does seem to love my friend.

FelicityGubbins Sun 16-Nov-14 17:04:53

Sounds like they both have their heads in some mills and boon shit type fantasy hmm

AnyFucker Sun 16-Nov-14 17:07:22

So, there is an emotional affair going on amongst your friendship group ?

Your husband's best friend is having an affair with your friend ?

I say distance yourself. And get better friends.

Tobyjugg Sun 16-Nov-14 17:17:45

Felicity I was thinking "Brief Encounter".

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now