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Dating after an infatuation/lust relationship

(17 Posts)
Hesaysshewaffles Thu 13-Nov-14 17:01:37

I had a 6 casual relationship/fling with someone that ended at the beginning of the year. In hindsight it was a very unhealthy relationship. But, he was the hottest guy I've ever been with and it was literally like pure sexual chemistry (no substance or anything) every time I saw him. All I wanted to do when with him/apart was rip his clothes off etc....I'm sure you catch the drift.

Now I'm back to dating and I'm worried that this sexual chemistry, that I experienced for the first time at the age of 30, is going to stop me meeting a 'keeper'.

Can anyone offer me wise words?

HumblePieMonster Thu 13-Nov-14 17:56:30

Never speak to the taxi driver.

CheersMedea Thu 13-Nov-14 17:58:44

Never run after a man or a bus.

Hesaysshewaffles Thu 13-Nov-14 18:04:04

Hmm not quite the wise words I'm looking for or relevant to the situation I'm in

PlantsAndFlowers Thu 13-Nov-14 18:07:55

I think that relationships like that actually just mean that you sex life with subsequent people will be hotter than before. That's what I found anyway.

WildBillfemale Thu 13-Nov-14 18:40:39

I think that relationships like that actually just mean that you sex life with subsequent people will be hotter than before

This - it means you've properly woken up sexually.

Lacoba66 Thu 13-Nov-14 18:42:59

CheersMedea Lol.... Exactly what my mum used to say (sorry OP- not useful to you).

GoodSouls Thu 13-Nov-14 18:58:28

I had a similar very sexually intense relationship for about 3 years on and off, I kept trying to break it off but it was too much temptation.

I actually moved countries so got away from him and I'm now very happily married with 2 DS.

I used to worry about my comparability with my now DH as although fantastic I've never felt the same sexual chemistry with him but I have so much more on so many other levels that makes it a complete and fulfilling relationship.

I finally came to the conclusion that it was purely sex with the previous guy, you just have to try and remember that there is more to life than amazing sex and although you may not find it at first with a new partner it will develop with time.

CatKisser Thu 13-Nov-14 19:05:55

I've recently stopped sleeping with someone who was sexually "perfect" for me. We spent six months of not being able to get enough of each other. We had a temporary hiatus and I panicked, thinking I'd never meet anyone with similar chemistry again.

We soon resumed but I realised my heart wasn't in it - we weren't suited in any way but the sex, so it seemed pointless. When I realised that, I stopped enjoying the sex and soon stopped the relationship.
Now I'd much rather meet someone who I got on fantastically with, with whom I could see some kind of future.

Ikeameatballs Thu 13-Nov-14 19:10:25

I keep being tempted back into a similar relationship, interestingly for me at first the attraction was nowhere near as intense but grew and grew, almost until it took over.

If anything I keep telling myself that this amazing chemistry could grow again with someone else.

Meanwhile I'm trying to move on by actively looking for a new partner, registered on match etc.

Hesaysshewaffles Thu 13-Nov-14 21:00:54

Thanks ladies. I'm
Glad I'm not the only to have experienced it. It was literally just about going for dinner and having lots of amazing sex. We had both got through a break up and so did use each other for a bit of support but it was live for the moment. Towards the end it was unfulfilling and the feeling of him being a drug made my friends start to worry.

With my previous ex the sex was brilliant at first but then my ex pretty much lost any drive at all. I never thought it was unhealthy though.

You've given me hope. Since being single I've met men off OLD and got on well but not had the "I want you right now" feeling so I've stopped it there.

Dirtybadger Thu 13-Nov-14 23:29:23

I read a good quote today (O'Barr and Harding fwiw)- essentially; adolescents have sex in search of meaning. Sex within a marriage is meaning in search of behaviour. Ignore "adolescent" and "marriage" and replace them with the appropriate terms and you have it. Sex can be very hot, very passionate, physically pleasurable...in the ling run you won't find meaning in it without the right person, though.

And whoopseefuckingdoo obviously if you have both. I would hold out for that! Or close to that, anyway. Depends how important it is to you, of course. Bottom line; it ain't the be all and end all but it might be closer to it for some than others

Suzannewithaplan Fri 14-Nov-14 01:56:36

I had a similar very sexually intense relationship for about 3 years on and off, I kept trying to break it off but it was too much temptation

snap, no one else has ever come close and I cant really be bothered with sex any more because it just doesnt seem worth the effort

Hesaysshewaffles Fri 14-Nov-14 08:01:41

What I think intensified it was that i was attracted to him being extremely successful and having a nice car and taking me to lovely restaurants. I know that sounds shallow but it exposed me to a 'world' and feelings I'd never experienced before. And I had never felt desired before and I liked it.

Ironically, it was harder to get over him over a six month 'relationship' than it was my 10 year long relationship with my ex!

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 14-Nov-14 08:04:43

I must say it did take about 2 years before I could even be bothered to look at another man - before that I just thought 'what's the point, nobody will match up'.

But then eventually someone does.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 14-Nov-14 08:11:27

And it's definitely him I facebook stalk, not my ex DH of 10 years I met afterwards! grin

Hesaysshewaffles Fri 14-Nov-14 09:58:32

Plantsandflowers it's interesting you saying that. I don't look at my ex's Facebook, I don't care what he's up to. But with Mr sex I look at his profile every few weeks and whilst I still think he's hot I don't feel attracted to him and what we had seems like something I imagined as it couldn't possibly have been real as he's a stranger to me now.

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