Father in law & Christmas

[Itscurtainsforyou]

We've just invited my father in law over for Christmas (realistically Christmas Eve to 27th because of train running times etc) and he's said no!

Two years ago he came for Christmas, last year (because it was my parent's "turn" to come over) he came over and we had an early Christmas (with the bonus that we had Christmas fayres/markets/nativities to go to). He seemed to enjoy it at the time, so I'm surprised he's turned us down.

He was widowed a couple of years ago, OH is his only child - he says he's happy to spend Christmas on his own.

I'm not offended, just concerned that either we've not been welcoming enough or that perhaps he's a bit down and we should be doing something to help him.

Any ideas on what it could be?

[hamptoncourt]

He might have a new lady friend

He might want to spend it in his own home (I always do)

He might not enjoy the travelling, you don't say how far it is.

I really wouldn't worry - you can call him every day and just enjoy Christmas with your own nuclear family.

[Vitalstatistix]

maybe he's feeling a bit low? Perhaps christmas is a bad time for him? Maybe he is feeling under the weather? Isn't up to train travel? Or perhaps your house is too busy and he isn't well able to manage busy house and kids noise? (not saying there is anything wrong with either! Just that sometimes someone gets to a stage where that's difficult for them)

I think you are right to be concerned and maybe your husband could have a chat with him and make sure he is ok? In a supportive way, so he knows that you aren't offended or pushing him in any way.

If there's a reason that is solveable - eg train too much for him and you could pick him up - then if you know about it, you can sort it. Or maybe he feels like a burden and all it will take is for him to truly believe that he is wanted and you want to spend christmas with him.

[Itscurtainsforyou]

Thanks
I've spoken to OH who reckons it might just be too busy here - a four year old whirlwind over-excited at Christmas and full of chocolate, he might have a point!

We said we'd go over to his before Christmas to deliver his present (which includes nice Christmas food) and take him out for lunch and he seemed up for that.

Will be keeping an eye on him though - I feel a bit sad that he wants to be alone.

[aylesburyduck]

My FIL won't come to us for Christmas, nor will he go to BIL and SIL's. He prefers to be on his own and although I feel a bit sad that he's alone at Christmas he is happy with his own company.

As he says, it's just one more day, the only difference being that he opens a few presents and the telly is worse than normal!!

I doubt very much that he feels he's not welcome, but more that he wants a quiet day.

[generaltilney]

TBH I can't wait until I can have Christmas on my own...

[florentina1]

I would ask him if he is not coming because he genuiningly feels he would be happier at home, or because he feels he might be imposing. As s gran I don't want my children to feel they HAVE to invite me and he too may feel that he does not want you to be under an obligation. I think, the fact that he felt comfortable refusing the invitation is a sign that your relationship is strong.

If He really does not want to come,don't feel that it is a reflection on your hospitality. As we get older we do find it a bit tiring around the youngsters and we do like our own bed!

It might be nice to invite him for a weekend in late January. This can be a dreadful time for the bereaved. In addition the children will be calmer without the Christmas atmosphere.