I am so angry with my husband at the moment. I just don't know what to do. We just can't seem to discuss certain topics without fighting. Basically it starts with him raising his voice and interrupting and speaking over the top of me, and then it escalates. He will not let me speak and I end up screaming. We've been together for 8 years and it's got to the point where as soon as I hear his tone of voice start up I see red.
All I want is to be able to discuss things like adults, establish the facts of the situation, list all the options and decide the course of action that works best for everyone. Instead I am reduced to (for example, today) arguing in the supermarket, I try to walk away but he won't let up, speaking over me, making sarcastic comments, sweeping generalizations, martyr like comments - I don't even know the words for what he does - is it fatalistic? Like 'oh well if we can't do that we might as well forget the whole thing' type statements, but it drives me crazy. He completely derails any conversation he doesn't like. I avoid discussing things with him as I know it's going to be an argument. If I tell him not to raise his voice he stars arguing that he is not raising his voice, if he was raising his voice I would know about it. So then we are arguing about what level of volume is raising your voice.
At the moment I hate him. And I told him that I hate him. I am seething with rage. I am sick of being talked over. I would never do it but I am so angry I wanted to hit him. If it was just us now I would probably leave him I am that angry and fed up.
But we have a 10mo baby. I am from Australia and have no family here. We are currently arguing over when to next visit Australia.
The actual topic of the current argument isn't really why I'm posting, I just want to call him out on what he is doing and I don't know how to put it into words.
I sent him a text saying he is a fucking bully but I hate myself for being so angry and swearing and shouting myself. I've tried so hard to rise above, to walk away and try later, to email him so I can get my point across. I don't know what to do. The other thing he will do is then cave in like a martyr and say do what you want, whatever you want, have it your way. I just want to discuss it like adults! I'm so fed up I could cry. Is there a name for what he is doing? And how do I call him out on it? How can we learn to discuss things rationally? Is there any hope?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
So fed up, is there a name for this?
Palmcove · 09/11/2014 19:40
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