Hi
Ok this may be long so I will apologise in advance, my OH lives with me and has done since June, but I feel he takes the mick now and it bothers me more and more.
I have 2 DS's from a previous relationship they go to their dad's every other weekend. OH has family in London that he visits every other weekend when boys are with me to give me some time with them. They are also here every Monday & Tuesday. My ex was emotionally abusive and it took a long time before OH got to know them we have been together about 2 years now.
So, at home we have a dog that we got together since moving in and a cat (mine) boys half the time, me who works full time (Leave at 7 back home by 6) and OH.
My problem is this, he feels like a lodger, the only thing he seems to add other than his presence is good sex. He isn't working and is supposed to be setting up his own business but I see little evidence other than a website that he made of this. One day he said he spent the day doing logo's I saw three that were totally unsuitable to the style of business (pretty enough effect though) so I designed 3 more in the space of half an hour one of which he is now using. The more honest and realistic is that actually he spends most of the day playing on the computer not actually doing much. When he was looking for work i took his CV and made it workable, I did the same with his brother's and he has since got jobs. I feel like I have an extra child that I have to spoonfeed.
He has spoken about expanding our family, which I was initially keen on but I am now reluctant, how can I expect him to look after a child when I am at work when even the dog is barely looked after by him (6 month old puppy) I come home to destruction that he hasn't cleaned up and it wee'd and poo's on the carpet that is barely cleaned up.
I spend a long time during the week at work come back and spend my spare time cleaning, as a result of this I have been off for a week with a migraine. I spent 3 days in bed 2 days recovering and he went to London on my first recovery day (Friday) so today I have cleaned the entire house as nothing got done while I was ill. I last did this two weeks ago and put all his rubbish in a bag and left it for him but it still hasn't been sorted out, he is happy to live in a lot more mess than I am prepared to put up with.
I am providing almost entirely financially except for the £50 per week he contributes. But it is not about finances but equal contribution, when I raise it he says he is sorry for disappointing me etc which just annoys me, I want a partner not a mopy child. I want to see him actually make a concerted effort on his business rather than me telling him what he should do.
I don't know how to go about discussing it so he will listen and actually take it in, writing it all down and thinking about it I feel I am actually enabling this behaviour, how do I stop?
TL:DR I think my OH is turning into a child and I am enabling him how do I stop
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How to stop enabling?!
11 replies
ChocolateTeacup · 09/11/2014 10:30
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