Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Questions, questions...

(12 Posts)
Stupid100 Sat 01-Nov-14 09:39:57

Right I have done it, I have asked him to leave by Friday and I don't care where he goes, I am going to sit down and tell the children today or tomorrow that me and their dad are splitting up and will try and support them as much as possible, without falling apart myself..

I am going to get the bills down as cheap as possible by phoning round today and getting just the basics of every package (phone etc).

I am going to try and sort out if I am entitled to any benefits but I have two part time jobs so I don't know?...

But this is the hard part, I am scared of him. There is evidence again that he has been terrifying our pet cat, no marks I can see but anyone who can hurt a defenseless animal is pretty scary in my eyes.

I need to get this address registered so if he goes to hurt me, the police respond quickly. I don't think this warrants me dialing 999 right now so is that the 101 number I call or the local station?

Plus I do not have the money to change my locks at all (2 doors, one external and one internal, house conversion).

Is there any way I can change them myself?! I am not moving my children from their house, its in my name (H.A property) its near their schools and its my bloody home too so I need to sit tight an hope this all blows over quickly.

He locked me out once when I went round to my friends house for a takeaway and got home at 11.30pm, if he does this again while he is here, can I call the police?

My head is swimming, sorry for such a long post and all the questions...

PoundingTheStreets Sat 01-Nov-14 09:57:57

Yes ring 101. Depending on where you live, there are a number of things they can do for you, including changing the locks, but if you buy like-for-like locks, you'll be able to change them yourself relatively easily. There are legal implications to this, however, which is why again it would be a good idea to call 101 as your first point of call.

Well done on having the courage to strike out on your own.

Stupid100 Sat 01-Nov-14 10:05:12

Thank you PoundingTheStreets I will call them, I just feel bloody daft and scared they may think I am wasting their time.

Dowser Sat 01-Nov-14 10:07:46

I can't add anymore to this just to say that I'm sending you good wishes, strength and courage and big hugs.

Dowser Sat 01-Nov-14 10:09:00

Have you already tried women's aid?

Stupid100 Sat 01-Nov-14 10:11:54

Thank you Dowser, you just set me off crying.

PoundingTheStreets Sat 01-Nov-14 10:14:17

You are not wasting their time. I suspect that if we were to talk about your relationship and you started remembering things, we'd all be horrified at some of the events you'll have minimised over the years as completely trivial. The fact that you think he hurts the cat will be enough on its own for the police to take this seriously (hurting animals is seen as a warning sign for domestic abuse).

Wishing you strength. flowers

yougotafriend Sat 01-Nov-14 10:30:37

Call the housing association, they may change the locks for you if it's in your name and he's not on the tenancy.

Ijustworemytrenchcoat Sat 01-Nov-14 10:32:47

Do you get tax credits currently? There are different entitlement tables here to give you a rough idea what you would be entitled to on your income alone. Your local council should have a housing benefit calculator on their website, I don't think it matters that you have two jobs, just what your
overall income is.

Could you talk to your Housing Association or Housing Options Team at your local council about your worries? If the property is in your name but there is a risk he will not hand over his keys (or has made copies) they should want to change the locks to protect you and secure the property especially as you are scared of what he might do.

You are already being so strong, I hope you are getting some real life support too.

GirlWithTheLionHeart Sat 01-Nov-14 10:39:34

Have you posted before, op? I remember something about the cat.

You sound very strong and this is the right decision for your children and you.

Call womens aid and talk to someone. I did and it really helped me gain perspective. Good luck x

Stupidhead Sat 01-Nov-14 10:43:14

Child tax and working tax credits. Even though you work two jobs you should get something as a single parent.

I'd ask women's aid, the police when you talk to them, or a kind neighbour for help changing your locks.

Good luck, you are being amazing and hopefully you can breathe soon.

Stupid100 Sat 01-Nov-14 22:13:20

Many thanks for your lovely supportive replies. He is here at the moment but things are looking hopeful that he will be gone this week (fingers crossed) and I will sort out tax credits on Monday when he isn't here to listen.

Thank you again thanks

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now